You guys aren't going to believe this pt 2

[25yearsmlc]

My friends are all telling me the reasons WAW gave me are all BS. They think the contract on the house spooked her and that it meant she would never be living with her mother again.

WAW has always been codependeant on her mother and will be moving back in with her in another state.
Her mom has always been an issue for us and has always been a source of contention when her mom lived here. Her mom moved away when we reconciled.

I just wish I could reconcile in my mind why this happening, again.

Part of the reason is contained here^^.

I suggest you watch the film "Happy" on netflix as it has data that helps us. We do control our own happiness in the long run. Also I suggest watching the TED talks on positive psychology by Sean Achor or Amy Cuddy, which are only about 20 minutes long. Very interesting.

But longer term,

I just don't know another way of getting through this to the other side, without GAL.

I made a list of things I assumed/hoped h and I would do someday that would make all this crap somehow worth it. The "great future!"

Then I looked at the list and wondered how to grab things off of it that I could do, anyhow. Without h.

Other than having a smaller home, I'm finding that a lot of the list of things I'd really like to do, are still available.

And believe it or not, I know there are things on the list that I can now ADD b/c h's relentless restlessness and obsession with Alaska/ALASKA/ALASKA

would have prevented or hindered it. You are in a slump, which I get. And you are also using the "time machine".

You are mourning the loss of the marriage you hoped to have in the future, (and sometimes seemed to have.)

But there were 2 BD's in 3 years, and now a 3rd one.
And with her mom issues and other obvious internal struggles, I'm not sure the great future would have happened with her, anyhow.

The sick feeling in your gut, will pass. You will suddenly say "oh, she's gone and I'm still alive. I did not die. And I'm still a father. I still have a job, food on my table, etc"

Keep posting. And at some point, ACT on the list of GAL you have.

Here is another suggestion or exercise that helps me.

Imagine for a minute that your w had passed away. Just for a minute! You'd grieve of course. You would mourn her. But you would not lie in the fetal position forever, right? Besides your d would want to see what processing grief looks like & still need you.

So imagine for just a few minutes, that enough time had passed for you to get past the grief...and that you were happy. You would no longer factor her into your choices. Remember, in this exercise you are happy, without her.


What would your life look like? Would your job change? Where would you live, any new hobbies, or travel, exercise programs, classes, outdoor activities, what would your life look like without her, and you were happy?

And so, what of those things^^, can you do now?