So Confused and Conflicted (7)

[25yearsmlc]

Thank you all for the encouragement.

I was just thinking about how some people have questioned why I waited until my wife threatened divorce before really taking her seriously. I did that because I needed to know how much she needed the things she was asking for, because I weighed those things, asking myself if they are things​ that are worth me making sacrifices for. I don't need to give in to every single request of hers, do I?

I'm surprised you'd ask this question after all the feedback you've gotten.

What do you think the biggest lesson you have learned here, is?

Can you tell us what you have learned, without then saying your W should have told you or made it more clear, etc.



It's just really important to know how much the things matter to her. Of course I would agree to do just about anything to keep her.

This kind of baffles me. You didn't "do just about anything to keep her."

She made her needs known to you more than once on more than one issue, and you did not meet them. Come on, what would be different if she returned now?

She's have to use the Divorce word for anything important to her? That seems so extreme. And it builds tension and resentment.


So, it's important to know whether these things are things she requires, to stay with me. She would never tell me how much she needed the things she asked for.



And I didn't have the prior relationship experience to know how risky it was to not know how important things were to her, and to not take ALL requests seriously, unless I was sure they weren't very important to her.


My wife would also never tell me when she was unhappy in the relationship. I always had to pull that out of her.

She would just complain about things,

She would complain about things....what do you think that means?

and then act content or happy whether she got from me what she wanted or not.

What good would it do her to say she was unhappy to you, when her complaints were e ignored? Plus, it seems as if you are saying that because she "took it', you kept dishing it out.

How is this loving? Come on, I know you know better than this.

I never thought in a million years that she would just leave without warning.

In her mind, by complaining and seeing no change, you were warned.


Unfortunately, I had gotten so comfortable that I had forgotten how I had to ask her how happy she was once a month or so.

Is this^^ the lesson you are taking with you? I'm sincerely asking.