OwnIt - Thanks for validating. I wish there was something more I could do to just "get over it." Part of my dread is knowing that she might be step parenting my son. I have a hard time with that.
Job - thank you so much for your insight. This board keeps me sane. A lot of what H said does sound like "excuses" and "justifications" to me. But I wasn't sure if perhaps my perception is skewed because of my emotional involvement.
Your insight about H telling SIL certain things knowing it will get back to me strikes a chord. It sounds like something he would do.
I have been pretty busy since coming back to work - catching up and all. It's a blessing and a curse.
H made another PA comment. He purchased S a camouflage jacket. When he pulled it out of the bag, in front of me and S, he snickered and said "Matthew, your mother probably hates that I got this for you. Hahahaha." I completely ignored the comment.
Yes, I hate the jacket, but not because it's camo. I hate it because of what it represents. H is former military and is encouraging (as much as you can with a 21 month old) to join the military. I do hate the fact that he is trying to push his preferences on S. He uses S to validate himself. S is just more narcissistic fuel for him and I really don't like that. H also projects onto me these types of feelings.
For example, he will comment "S, your mommy would LOVE it if you went to *** (my college) just like mommy did." Actually, I want S to go to the best school that suits him. "S, your mommy would LOVE it if you *** (played the sport I played)." Actually, I want S to do activities that HE enjoys.
It's really sad that he just can't own these feelings about himself. It's sad that he needs S to do the things H wants in order to feel good about himself. Really sad. It is so obvious to me what is happening, this is one area I have no doubts about.
I guess if he did own these feelings, that would mean he is taking a real long hard look at himself. And if I have learned anything, its that self reflection and MLC are like two repelling magnets.
