Here Again part 4

[Train]

We *are* friends IRL, just in a different sort of way!

yes, him doing the yard work and the pool stuff is his way of showing me 'he's trying' in his mind. But he says I can't see that and instead of recognizing that I focus on what he's not doing.
Wellllllll ... I mean .... I think he has a point here, don't you?

Your plan to carry on with life as usual tonight is perfect. Zero expectations from H. What he says today could change by tonight. What he says tonight could change by tomorrow. He doesn't know which end is up, so if you hitch your cart to *his* horse, you better expect a wild ride!

And, listen, it's true: everything you learn throughout this process is going to help you become a better person and a better partner. If your M is saved? Awesome. But you aren't defined by your M. By the time you've made it to the other side of this situation, you are going to be content. In fact, I'd be willing to bet you'll be *a lot* better than content. You'll be happy. And you won't be able to imagine how you were happy in the situation you've been in.

That holds true whether you're still with your H. Or if you're not.

I'll tell you this, though: your H needs to change - and change BIG. And you have no control over him changing. What you CAN do is possibly inspire him to change by showing him - through your ACTIONS (NOT words) - that you aren't going to put up with his sh!t. Figure out your boundaries, put them around yourself and your children, and don't let him step one sliver of a toenail inside that line. THIS is the definition of strength and grace under fire. And I know you have it in you to do it. He either respects you or he can walk away. Don't accept ANYTHING less than that.