I have a question/remark. I have always told my kids their dad loves them, (even in the face of long absences and weird behavior.) I mean, for years. And in his goony way, I really believe he does love them.
But after his OW and SO HAPPY FB posts, they told me clearly, "Do not tell us Dad loves us. Do not defend dad anymore..."
That was clear... I have to respect their wishes, but man, that was unexpected.
I think they want me to just move on and that defending him, or saying he loves them, sounds as if I am not. But I am.
Strange how that works huh ??
I always had the mindset that it wasn't my job to facilitate their relationship, it was my job to not damage their relationship....
However that plays out..
And your children are grown, so I'm sure it sounds strange when you defend him.
Just make sure that you don't perpetuate any anger that they may have inside them already.
Originally Posted By: 25
Is that what you mean?
Sorta, maybe...
Ya know, we have spent years now saying that we would be fine if we reconciled or not.
Because of the DB process, and the fact that we didn't fake our way through it. Paid the dues, collected a life outside of the process.
Because we didn't let ourselves be defined by the worst thing that happened to us.
I found out in one direction, you found out in another. And you are just now starting to find out whether your theory is correct or not, because you are heading down the other path now.
So maybe I meant...
You have already done this, been to this point once before. It just took you longer to get here than most of us before you.
You already have this decision inside of you, maybe buried deep, yet somewhere in the back of your mind, you already have it...
Over the years, you still had thoughts of, what if we hadn't reconciled, or I would have done this differently if...
I didn't DB because I was successful, I am successful because I DB'ed..
So I guess that, where do you wanna be, comes from somewhere around there...
