It takes two to make it work (pt. 6)

[AndrewP]

SBJ - I'm not reading nor posting too much but had been keeping an eye open for you. You've been a source of comfort and strength to so many people here and arrived just as I was starting my exit. I know from my own time that helping others helped me get through some of the bad times.

I was a bit surprised in some ways to notice a reference to OM and so read back a bit. Yep - heard this song before. Sang it myself in fact. I went from March 2016 through the middle of April wondering why my devoted W of nearly 27 years suddenly was unhappy and wanted to leave. She'd been involved with OM for about a year at that point and the EA had turned into a PA roughly in January as I figured out later.

I don't know about you, but for me it was a relief in some ways to find out about OM. I actually calmly confronted her about it since she was still in the house and it became open between us and a source of conflict although a secret to the outside world. But things suddenly "made sense". It was also good for me in some ways even if the shock of it knocked me very badly on my @ss for a very long time. Depression, weight loss, suicidal thoughts. All of those things affected me. You are in many ways fortunate in that you have both your Faith and your faith community to sustain you as well as your own innate strength.

I don't know what your plans are as far as talking to your W about OM goes. It probably doesn't make any difference though other than to perhaps add some more emotion and anger to the situation. Once my own W knew that I knew about OM it was as if an alien that had been living inside her skin was released. Even though there was no spew directed my way nor her way it was very unpleasant to say the least. Things appear to be somewhat civil in your own situation at present.

I suspect that your W is well along what my own W had been planning. Leaving, starting a "new life" and then suddenly having a new guy appear in such a way as nobody in the community nor her children could fault her. There are lots of stories here where exactly that happens. I somewhat messed that up but then became complicit in keeping her secret which was painful. I kept hoping until towards the end of last year that she would come back and because she wasn't open about having left when her affair came to light via a friend's Facebook post it came as quite a shock to much of the community many of whom thought we were still together. Most of those who knew she left had probably bought the story that she was unhappy and wanted time alone. The rest were split between people who were horrified and who were happy for her (mostly her relatives and new friends). I have no clue at present about how her life is going and how people in the community are reacting. I think that sides have been firmly picked and I have been grateful to so many wonderful people who have been so very kind and supportive of me.

Anyway - a bit longer post than I intended but if you've ever read any of my threads you'll know that once I start writing that I have a hard time stopping. I just wanted you to know that I think you are doing great and hope that you continue to be a source of strength for your family, your community and this place no matter where your path leads you. Those of us who have gone before have blazed many trails through the foggy woods and hopefully our experiences, mistakes and victories have helped to guide you on your own path.