First time here part 2

[leahsue]

Hey gang,
I just feel like giving up. Nothing has happened. I just think in the last few days I have realized that I don't deserve the crap that's been handed to me since Dec. 26. And the thought of giving up things like dancing in the dark, holding someone until you fall asleep, looks across a crowded room, winks, your song, etc. just make me sick and sad. I'm old, I get that, but I still feel 30 on the inside, and I'm not ready to feel like the romantic side of my life is over. H may or may not EVER show back up and even then, may not want me in that way. I guess I'm asking myself, is he worth the wait and even then, taking a chance? He's hurt me so badly. And no matter what the label I choose to give him, the facts are there. He made the decision to let me go. And while he appears to be inching his way back, so very slowly, do I even want him back? I want more from life than "hoping" someone will love me. I deserve to be cherished and celebrated, not tolerated. God, where is this anger coming from? I just feel so ANGRY.