I have been very guilty of not being active enough in pursuing things in my life. It was one of the things that my wife complained about. She said I just let life happen to me.
Im starting to agree with her.
The thing is that now is NOT the time to pursue HER.
You made a list a few threads back of things you were investigating for GAL. How is that going? Where are you with actually DOING them?
Well, this afternoon, I went and spoke to the guy that heads the flight school, and scheduled an introductory flight for Thursday. I am seeing an IC weekly, and a church minister weekly for breakfast. I also go to church weekly. Churches seem to have the most friendly and welcoming people. I'm looking into other things to attend at the church, like Sunday School. I am continuing to look for social things to get out and do, where I can meet people. Still working out, but not as much as I was. My motivation had been a little shot lately.
M: 33, W: 30 @BD M 7, T 10 BD: Early Dec W left: Late Dec W got stuff: Late Jan W sent S papers: Mid Feb OM cnfrmd: Late Feb
Pain can yield tremendous growth OR everlasting sadness and bitterness.
Steps in the right direction WshIKnw!! Keep it going.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
spoke to the guy that heads the flight school, and scheduled an introductory flight for Thursday.
I am a pilot, too, and used to be a flight instructor. Just a few tips, if you're going to do it long term, take lessons from someone who has another career, who just instructs on the side. They've probably been doing it longer, and will be there for the long term. You can get good instruction from the guys for whom it is their only job, but as soon as the airline calls, they're gone. The more studying you do on your own at home, the cheaper it will be. Also, Flight Simulator will probably have a map expansion pack for your local area. It was well worth it for one or two of my students who could fly, but not find their way back to the airport by themselves. Rather than spending $1000 on different flights getting their bearings, they just spend $50 on software, and got familiar just by playing.
M:23 T:26 Me:53, Wife: 60 S:18 D:16 filed 7/16 W moved out 4/28/17
When this happens to me sometimes it helps to go back to the journal I started when it all first happened or the beginning of your own thread and see just how far you've come already.
Together 7 years Married 3 Said she was taking long way home late January Left to get some space 2/19/17 BD 3/1/17 ILYB
Well, this afternoon, I went and spoke to the guy that heads the flight school, and scheduled an introductory flight for Thursday. I am seeing an IC weekly, and a church minister weekly for breakfast. I also go to church weekly. Churches seem to have the most friendly and welcoming people. I'm looking into other things to attend at the church, like Sunday School. I am continuing to look for social things to get out and do, where I can meet people. Still working out, but not as much as I was. My motivation had been a little shot lately.
See? Now that's what we are talking about. Not this mopey crap! And find a gym with a punching bag and tape a picture of your "wife" and the OM on it and beat the shite out of it. Works wonders. Get back into the gym...and I'm talking HARD work - work until you can't go any more. The utterly exhausting, can't take another step type - better anti-depressant than any "medicine" could give.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
I was just thinking about how some people have questioned why I waited until my wife threatened divorce before really taking her seriously. I did that because I needed to know how much she needed the things she was asking for, because I weighed those things, asking myself if they are things​ that are worth me making sacrifices for. I don't need to give in to every single request of hers, do I? It's just really important to know how much the things matter to her. Of course I would agree to do just about anything to keep her. So, it's important to know whether these things are things she requires, to stay with me. She would never tell me how much she needed the things she asked for. And I didn't have the prior relationship experience to know how risky it was to not know how important things were to her, and to not take ALL requests seriously, unless I was sure they weren't very important to her. My wife would also never tell me when she was unhappy in the relationship. I always had to pull that out of her. She would just complain about things, and then act content or happy whether she got from me what she wanted or not. I never thought in a million years that she would just leave without warning. Unfortunately, I had gotten so comfortable that I had forgotten how I had to ask her how happy she was once a month or so.
M: 33, W: 30 @BD M 7, T 10 BD: Early Dec W left: Late Dec W got stuff: Late Jan W sent S papers: Mid Feb OM cnfrmd: Late Feb
Pain can yield tremendous growth OR everlasting sadness and bitterness.
I will tell you one thing from a woman's perspective. I feel it is true for me. If I get the gall up to ask you for the things I need in a relationship, I need them "pretty" bad. They are deal breakers for me. Petty stuff I won't ask for.
If she asked for something she was not getting, she was most likely not content. I won't say unhappy, but there were things she needed.
I hate to say this, and I am not saying to be harsh, but you contradicted yourself a lot of there and did not take responsibility for your part.
When you say "worth making a sacrifice for" what kind of things was she asking for that it was such a sacrifice? Did she need tons of money and a third party in the bedroom?
For you to be willing to only give her something that is a "requirement" not to leave you is selfish. Maybe we don't always want to go way our of our way to meet someones needs, but I know when I chose to meet a need of my partner, it's not only to keep them put. It's because I care so much for them, I want their needs to be met.
I hate to say this, but she didn't leave without warning. Her way of telling you she was "unhappy" was by telling you her needs. You didn't want to sacrifice too much to meet them.
So, say you checked in with your W once a month and asked if she was happy. She said she needs xyz. You weren't taking her seriously (by your own admission) so why would she say anything other than "sure"?
You both own a role. I have close friends and family who are WAW. Their husbands didn't make an attempt to meet their wives needs which were very clearly expressed until they were pretty much out the door.
Again, this was not a post to blame you or make you feel bad. it's addressing what you said above to give some perspective and really do some deep digging.
