So you showed her your proof.........or was her car at OM's house the proof? Doesn't really matter b/c she lied her way out of it and was not faced with consequences for her betrayal. In the meantime, you take care of the house & kids and she continues playing you.
Was the lack of intimacy mostly from her? You tried to accept that she was low-drive? If I'm correct on that part, I will also tell you that it is not b/c she is LD......but that she does not feel the attraction. And she doesn't feel the attraction b/c of lack of respect for you. Her unfulfilled feelings comes from being dissatisfied in her MR. She tries to find other things to fill her emotionally.
If you feel that there have been times you were a doormat........it is probably true. If you think you are often too nice, then I suggest you are.....and probably have the nice guy syndrome. Google it and read the free download.
Your W is not conducting herself as a wife and mother. She waits until you are home to do all those things you listed. That should send a loud message about her priorities. Maybe you need to look at this as something your W has chosen, due to her resentment and disrespect that has grown over the years, and now she is acting out like a rebellious teenager.
The day of her being at the OM's house, she came home and apologized over and over and swore that she ended everything that day with him. All ties severed. Also claiming they were never intimate and this was the first time she had actually seen him...which I believe was a lie. It was just a convenient excuse since this was the only time I actually drove to his house.
Yes the proof, and I'm a bit ashamed to share was that after the day her car was at the OM's house she came home, changed and put a pad on, claiming she was spotting (sorry for the graphic) after her period (which I know she just had). I ended up taking the pad a day later and used a semen test kit on it. It was positive. I showed the evidence but she of course denied, denied, denied.
Can I go back now, 1 1/2 weeks after the fact and make any demands? Here is where I struggle. What is reasonable without being controlling? I still think she is texting him but I have no proof of this.
Lack of intimacy was mainly on her part but I'm not the best at proposing love making. I am always the one that initiates hugs, kissing, and sex. This is her viewpoint. Frankly she is quite addicted to facebook, pinterest, and other social sites so intimacy of any kind is difficult at best. My advances usually end in disappointment so over time I try less and less.
Honestly, we have both been dissatisfied in our marriage. There are sparks now and again but they tend to fizzle out quickly. I do want a renewed marriage and I am committed. Her I'm not sure. We have done counseling in the past but she never really applied what we learned. I applied some but it takes two if that makes sense.
Yes I can see where she doesn't respect me. How do I get that back? I think much is my lack of listening, disregarding some of what she says, and not taking action immediately when presented with a topic from her.
Yes it is blatantly obvious to me that she picks her times to get away when I am home. She definitely doesn't want to be around when I am there. I try to be the one that leaves or that has something to do at night, but she always makes her escape leaving the kids and I behind.
So what do you suggest? Do I let her know that I will have guidelines that 1 or 2 nights a week I will take care of boys while she goes to yoga but that she has to be more open with her communication, or too controlling? Any other yoga must be during week while boys are in school...which is really just Mon, Wed, Fri since one is in Pre-K.
When she got caught being at OM's house, she did promise to be more transparent with where she is going. She has done that somewhat but is still mysterious at times and again I'm not trying to be overbearing. Much of what I have read is give her the space, don't inquire about where, when, who but considering she told me she would be transparent do I need to hold her more strictly to that?
