Welcome to the DB community. I hope you will post often. Cadet will give you a post that has a lot of information, if you will take the time to read it.
You sound like a very nice man who tries to show his love to his W by giving her support. What you may not see is that the way you take on your share, plus her share, of home & family responsibilities could be enabling her to continue down this road.
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She then started doing things to give herself time to think...staying out late, going to bars, making every excuse to not be home with the kids and I...yoga in the evening, shopping, etc. On the weekends she will disappear for hours on end without any communication. During this time she started an emotional affair which I highly suspect is now physical, I have proof but she continues to deny. This with an ex-boyfriend from very long ago that she struck up a conversation with because he is divorced and she was looking for advice. She claims to have cut ties with him after I saw her car at his house but at a minimum I think she is still communicating with the other. Her car was there but she claims she only went there to go for a ride on his motorcycle so she could relax. When she is away for hours, she has gotten a bit better about letting me know what she is up to, but there are still many times where she is out of touch and this drives me crazy...hard not to think of what she is doing and who she is with.
So you showed her your proof.........or was her car at OM's house the proof? Doesn't really matter b/c she lied her way out of it and was not faced with consequences for her betrayal. In the meantime, you take care of the house & kids and she continues playing you.
Was the lack of intimacy mostly from her? You tried to accept that she was low-drive? If I'm correct on that part, I will also tell you that it is not b/c she is LD......but that she does not feel the attraction. And she doesn't feel the attraction b/c of lack of respect for you. Her unfulfilled feelings comes from being dissatisfied in her MR. She tries to find other things to fill her emotionally.
If you feel that there have been times you were a doormat........it is probably true. If you think you are often too nice, then I suggest you are.....and probably have the nice guy syndrome. Google it and read the free download.
Your W is not conducting herself as a wife and mother. She waits until you are home to do all those things you listed. That should send a loud message about her priorities. Maybe you need to look at this as something your W has chosen, due to her resentment and disrespect that has grown over the years, and now she is acting out like a rebellious teenager.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
