Well, I thought I'd give you all a bit of a laugh with some of the dates I went on.
I'm also a bit angry about something I've just found out from one of my closest friends.
Anyway, here we go...
I went out a few times with a guy. Have to say, when I first met him, I felt instantly kinda disappointed. He just looked a bit worn out and unlooked after. Not in a 'I haven't ironed my clothes' sort of way, more in a kind of 'not eating properly and not getting some exercise' kind of way.
Anyway, we had *loads* in common and he seemed fairly open - especially about some difficult experiences he'd been through. That, I thought was a positive: a man who had lived through some hard times and wasn't afraid to talk about them. A bit of a relief after WH/STBXH, I thought, who couldn't talk about anything at all without visibly stiffening.
We went out a bit. And then some alarm bells started ringing: he was *very* full on, he was almost over eager to please me, there was *a lot* of alcohol involved, he also smoked a lot, he wanted me to spend all my time with him. He also made plans for me on my behalf, made decisions for me without asking me.
Now, I have to say, I'm a fairly independent sort. I like to make my own mind up about things, I like my life and I like my work. And having someone be so full on and overwhelming made me feel *incredibly* claustrophobic.
He would also really lose it sometimes. At first it was just in his house. Then it was out in the street. And then he would somehow get me to lose it at him (which I never, ever do with people. Losing it is really a last resort for me, and if I get to that stage with someone there's usually no coming back from it).
I was confused and humiliated by how I was behaving and how quickly I'd seemed to reach that point.
The thing I found out...one of my closest friends got married. It was a very small wedding and I was one of a couple of girlfriend guests she had invited. I was incredibly honoured. I thought it might be fun to go with him as my plus one, and my friend was more than OK with this.
He scrubbed up really well. We had a lovely day. I was overwhelmed for my friend, and so happy for her (in spite of all the crap that's gone on in my life, I was genuinely overjoyed for her).
The meal was pared with a specific whisky for each course. It was *delicious*. Anything we didn't drink we could take home with us in a tiny little glass jar provided by the venue. I only managed about 2 of my whiskies and took home the rest (another 2 or 3). I was a little bit tipsy, but in total control of my faculties.
He drank all of his and - I have just discovered this afternoon - took home the ones that had been left by the groom and put into little glass jars for the groom to take home.
Not only did my friend notice, but some of her other guests noticed. She just told me this today. I am beyond angry and incredibly mortified.
I hadn't spoken to this guy for a bit. I couldn't deal with everything he was throwing at me, especially after such a few times going out. Now I never want to see him again. What utterly selfish, arrogant and self entitled behaviour.
I'm only now beginning to understand why I was attracted to him, and the similarities he had to WH/STBXH (except this guy was worse I think).
How depressing. How totally and utterly depressing.
Hopefully I'll be able to laugh about it at some point.
