I took S on a road trip to visit my sister, her wife, and their son. We stopped along the way and spent the night in a charming beachside town to visit a beautiful aquarium. We had a wonderful time.
The visit with sister in law went well. I was surprised H didn't take any time off of work to spend time with her. Regardless, she didn't serve me with divorce papers (he still hasn't served me). She did have a long talk with him and she relayed it all to me.
None of it is really all that surprising, but there were some things that make me curious and I wanted to ask you all about.
First, he said he wanted to work on the marriage, but decided too much damage had been done. He said I could no longer trust him and because I outed him and what he had done he could no longer trust me. If this is how he feels, it is how he feels (personally, I think it is an excuse not to try - it is an easy way out to avoid the work), but what I don't understand is this: he has written in his emails to OW that when he married me he "settled" and he never wants to do that again. If he "settled" then why would he want to work on the marriage?
Second, he told SIL that he feels he can "help" OW with her life. When SIL asked, "like what a father would do?" He paused for a long time and finally responded no. What is interesting to me about this statement is he told me that he feels like she "needs" him while I don't "need" him. I have heard/read this theme in other people's sitches. What is this at it's core?
Third, he told SIL that maybe some time down the road we might reunited. Oh, boy, do I have some problems with this one. Not the least of which is the arrogance and assumptions behind this. For him to think that I would just wait around pining for him gets my goat. And another thing, he has repeatedly written to OW that he just "knows" they are going to get married and have a family, etc. blah, blah, blah. I don't get why he would write this to OW, but say something different to SIL. What in the world is going on? Is he just telling people what he thinks they want to hear?
Fourth, nearly every single day he would send me a text asking me how S ate and how he slept. That is all he would ask. Never asked how he was doing or what he was doing. I find this odd.
Fifth, he never mentioned to SIL about what about OW that made her so special. It was all about how she made him feel. He said he felt a "connection." Don't they all say that? There was no talk about how nice she is, how smart, how charming, fun, whatever. I found that interesting. It would seem to me a sign that he is looking to outside activities to fix inside problems, no?
Lastly, he told SIL that he thinks OW is in a rebound relationship. (OW and her b.f. have been together about a year now.)
I bring some of this up, partly because I have not dropped the rope completely, and partly because some of what he is saying helps me see the insanity in all this.
My biggest obstacle is my focus on H and OW reuniting. I really don't want that to happen. I don't know how I could handle that. There are a few LBS that have had to deal with this - how on earth do you do it. I could care less if he hooks up with anyone else. For some reason, it is this OW that bothers me so much. And I just can't figure out why.
Nonetheless, I am still moving forward and trying to work on me. Wherever this journey takes me, I feel like I am getting stronger every day.
