So Confused and Conflicted (6)

[Dawgs]

I don't know how to change, Jeep. I've been this way my whole life. My mom said she never had to spank me. All she had to do was give me an angry look and I would straighten up. I was voted Most Timid in highschool, along with three other people in my grade. In highschool and college, I didn't venture outside much because I didn't think many people would like me, and none of the girls I was ever interested in ever seemed interested in me. And then all of a sudden, my last year of college, my wife came along and saved me from all that, just like a gift from God. She dated me for two and a half years before marrying me. She had plenty of opportunity to see the man that I was. I always thought she was with me because she was a strong, assertive girl, that wanted to wear the pants in the relationship, and because I was similar to her brother, and I always figured she wanted to do for me what she hoped some girl would someday do for him. She was a real blessing, but as the years went by, I forgot more and more what she had done for me, and I got slacker and slacker. With each passing year, I felt more and more secure in the relationship, which made me less and less motivated to try so hard. I wish I hadn't forgotten all that she did for me. And I wish I hadn't forgotten how important it was for me to ask her how happy she was in the relationship, because she would never tell me when she was unhappy. She would pretend to be happy ("fake it until you make it"). I have never understood why she wouldn't tell me her overall happiness level -- why I had to pull that out of her.

I'm sorry I'm not a tough guy like you, Jeep. I wish I were tough. If it were an easy thing to do, everyone would be doing it. Because who wants to be weak?

There is no place like the right time. Stop relying on the past to guide your future. The sad thing is, your marriage and wife are no more. There is no going back. And the more that you send to her, the more - as leahsue said - it will piss her off and push her away. There is absolutely nothing you can do that will get her to come back. Some questions don't have answers - and if they do, they are the ones you don't want to hear. Just don't ever contact her again. Period.

So what if you were timid in high school. That was then. If you live in the past, then that defines your future. It's not about being strong or whatever, its about standing up for yourself and your own mental well being. You've said the same over and over and over. Time to stop that.

Change one small thing about you. And then another. And, you'll find that a lot of smalls add up to be a big. However, if you don't, you'll always be a basket case. It is what it is. Life isn't fair...and it damn sure isn't kind. Play the game or get ran over.