Thank you 25, and to Sandi, vanilla and others that have given their support. I'm sorry to leave replying so long, I've tried a few times but fallen asleep or been sidetracked.life is in turmoil a bit as I'm burning the candle at both ends. 25 it seems there was more than one man, I believe the one still seeing my wife has been around longer but I don't know by how much.
When we met my wife hadn't kissed another man and the exclusivity of her intimacy, love and our bonding means the world to me. I cannot describe the hurt I feel at her actions, the betrayal that I know about let alone the possibility of fornication. In my youth I didn't feel the need to marry in order to have a life partner but needed to for immigration purposes if we were to remain together. Something my wife desperately wanted. I thought very carefully and took a chance on someone I had known only a about 6 months from a different country,religion and culture. but when I made that decision I meant it with all my heart and I envisioned us growing old together.
I don't believe I am frozen in indecision but cautious, trying to learn from those that have more knowledge and experience and trying not to make (more)mistakes that will damage the relationship.
Who are you referring to when you say talk to someone there ?
Earning more money to support the family is the most crucial thing to all this.
I am trying to act now.
I have started GAL doing something that has a martial and healing aspect and which is for life. I don't intend to stop again as long as I am breathing. (I did something similar before we met and reduced it until I stopped. Something I deeply regret).
More importantly I am working. I struggle to make reasonable money, especially recently due to unanticipated costs, tiredness, and health caused by the stress and worry my wife's actions are causing me. I cannot just detach like cutting a piece of string because the string is attached to my heart and it keeps it beating.
Today I am able to write because I can't work due to migraine and pulled back muscles; more money lost. But I am trying. But the money is poor when I can work and I really need to work constantly 6 or 7 days a week.
I plan to do a short 9 week course to get me into another profession. One which I will enjoy and can have reasonable pay. But this costs a few thousand unless I can study under someone already established which is unlikely. I intend to work at the same time but at the moment it is pie in the sky unless I can get on top of things and start making more money.
The therapist not only has to be solution based but one that won't give up at the first hurdle.
My wife has text me asking to go to mediation to deal with this in a peaceful way for the sake of our children. I replied that I am confused by her asking for this as she has previously refused my requests including going to relate. She replied saying she hadn't refused but didn't want to go on the weekend. That the solicitors had recommended mediation and she would contact the mediator to see when we can go. I believe we should first go to relate and want to text her this. Please let me your views.
25 I am largely just replying to your comments or question in order to give information and learn more and am not being defensive. I see clarity and agreement in what you and others have have written. I thank everyone again for your insight, help and support. I need to go now but will reply to Sandi and others asap. Your continued support is so very important and appreciated by me.
