Infidelity/WAH, my story pt 9

[skyhigh]

It reminded me of a big fight I had with H during piecing, the next day, he told me "I am done, I just cannot stand you anymore, I will be moving out in 4 months", then he just shut off (stonewalling), I was stunned and discouraged but I decided not to argue (somehow I had enough too and if he wanted to move on, fine) and I detached even more, I just started to live as if he was not here anymore. Three weeks later I asked him "Can you tell me exactly when will you be moving out so I can prepare the kids and take some decisions?", he looked at me and answered "What are you talking about?", he said he didn't remember saying that... I don't know if he forgot or he just realized that I took his decision seriously and I was ready to let him go and move on...

During piecing, they are very "touchy", I think I mentioned that several times, so any fights or R talks are going to push them away right away.

During piecing, staying detached is a MUST, during that period everything can happen. They are on the fence, they are on it for several months. It's also a period where the best is to do NOTHING most of the time, beside listening, validating and setting boundaries. Let him watch you move on and be happy!

Piecing is tough, it's a roller coaster, forget about any preconceived ideas you might have, at the beginning is more a cease fire between 2 people ready to jump at each other throat at the slightest provocation than a Honeymoon.

Just focused on YOURSELF and the KIDS, forget about him and his moody/crazy behavior. Make plans (work, vacations, kids, home) according to YOU and the KIDs. You need to stop being the pursuer, read the thread on it.

You cannot change him, he has to figure out by himself.

Take something to help you to sleep! You need to be able to function.
I feel your pain, I went through that, I remember that excruciating pain and despair.

Don't let your life being in hold because of him! Your worth/life shouldn't be determined by how his mood of the day is. Stop making decisions based on him, become selfish for your own sake.

Big hugs,