Just wanted to observe on the difference between change and shift.
Change can reverse and shift is done from knowledge. Once you know you never unknow.
This experience can be big shifts, it isn't just about R or new M or piecing or rebuilding.
It's about truly making you a new H and father.
There is nothing sexier in my book than a great dad, and that's my own view. Although your W may see it differently.
Really like the change vs. shift and I am focused on these changes to be permanent shifts in my behavior. The shift is for whether I am with my W or not as it's more for me and my kids. See below for more 411 on my shifts that I'm tackling.
The W said Sunday that I've been amazing with the kids lately. I told her that I'm just doing what I need to do, but I appreciate her noticing and saying something.
Originally Posted By: Vanilla
This all seems very good humoured and cooperative. Buying furniture together, all rather jolly hockey sticks. I can't quite get the grasp of the bon homie.
Tell me more about the deep blues that haunted you.
On the bon homie, it's a little bit 180 for me. We were in the rut of responsibilities and very little fun. After realizing my depression and all the issues it causes for myself and my W and kids, I've changed or dare I say shifted perspectives.
I'm trying to just enjoy each day for what it brings regardless of how much it all hurts. I'm a heck of a lot of fun when I want to be and that's who I'd rather be than the woe is me guy.
On deep blues, the depression has been something new for me to identify. I've always carried a lot of burden internally and just grinned and bared it to not cause issues. My learned behavior from my parents was to just ignore issues until they were no longer issues. I'm learning to shift my approach here.
It's been sorta surreal with working through depression/withdrawal over the past few weeks. My D13 and I love taking our dog on walks and chatting. I was overwhelmed with sadness one of these walks a few weeks ago because of something. We hadn't walked 2 minutes and she asked me what's wrong and I knew I was slipping and needed to get on top of the depression wave. Learning how to identify and accept the feelings, but changing the thoughts on how to handle.
Another shift is assertiveness. I'm assertive at work, but never have been assertive at home. This includes being assertive with both my W and kids. As I got through my "depression fog", I finally had a light bulb go off on this topic and have realized what that looks like from an outsider. My view of myself was pretty poor coming out of our last D Day in February. I've looked in the mirror and have seen a pretty depressed, weak and lifeless person.
I know this is a lot of beating up on myself, but I am my own worst critic. I'm happier now than I've been in a while because I see these behaviors that I'd like to shift.
Feel free to follow-up with any questions you have on this. I'm traveling for work so might not get back to right away. Have a good one.
Me 42, Wife 39; Married 16; Together 17; Kids: D13, S10 Wife asks for Divorce: 03/19/13 Reconcile: 07/07/13 Round 2 Starts: 02/19/17 Apartment Life: 04/21/17 PA Confirmed: 05/23/17
