It takes two to make it work (pt. 6)

[SBJ]

Thx roist...2x4 absorbed and accepted. Maybe in writing that the touch gave me more encouragement to stand was not written correctly. Her touch, I guess reminded me that she is still in there somewhere. Maybe my mind is playing with my emotions, but it worked for me in that moment.

As for the scrap vs the meal...maybe you are right in a way. I'm a very physical person and I have been without any physical touch from her for 9 months...it has been tough. You get some kinds of physical touch from friends and family, but, and I know you know what I mean...the touch from the woman or man that "you" love is unmatched. Now, I know that in her mind it might not have meant anything...that is a reality that is all too clear as I read all of the posts here, but in some weird way, it felt nice.

Do I need and deserve much more? YES.

Will I break my vows to her and go find that with someone else? Not in the cards for me.

As for reasons/motivations to stand...I think my reasons are based in the word. I made my vows and I take them seriously. I also, for whatever reason love this batchitcrazy woman with all my heart. I would love her if she were in an accident and crippled. I would love her if she were diagnosed with cancer. I would love her if she decided to never return to our family. To me that love is unconditional. That being said...I don't approve or like who she is right now or what she is doing, but the love is unconditional.

As for the rumors, you are correct...should they be true, then she has a lot of work to do before I'd ever let her come home.

The things I do know:
I have to be strong for my kids and for myself.
I know there is a God and I am not him.
I know He has a plan and I do not know what it is.
I am learning to accept His Will for my life.
I am going to take it one day at a time and give thanks for all of the good things that I do have in my life.