oh, do I relate! I, too, have felt like the pain of this would kill me. Felt that many times over the past two years. I feel on some level I've been trying to decide if I'm going to stay, and by that I mean stay alive. I'm not talking suicide, as we think of it. More that people can will themselves to die, or simply stop living and just go through the motions until they actually pass.

I, too, have decided to live, for myself and my pets, and let exh go do whatever it is he needs to do. We no longer share this journey. It's time to find out what else is there for me. That's a bittersweet place to be but you are right - the MLCer will either pull it together or it's truly their loss.

I'm glad you came to this decision. It's not easy getting here, but the inner strength you've found in the process will stand you in good stead moving forward.

{{{{{hugs}}}}}

M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver