Okay, another weird day. W invited me to dinner with D, MIL, and niece. This actually interfered with GAL (was planning to do something from meetup tonight) but decided to go anyway. After dinner, W also invited me back to MIL's/her new place she is moving into. I stopped by for a few minutes after doing what I was doing in town (it was on the way home anyway) and left.
W also invited me to theme park again (they are going back this weekend since it's not costing anything and D is looking for an activity) and was fairly insistent I come.
Got a text later thanking me for dinner, and that she was looking forward to spending time together tomorrow.
I'm... really confused right now, and I'm REALLY wary of this. Continuing my plan of being the best me and best dad I can be and letting her do what she thinks she needs and I'm watching to see where this goes.
Personal milestone achieved yesterday: minus 50lbs since ILYBNILWY speech.
Good signs indeed. Continue to play it cool and do not accept all invitations to get together. If you move to quickly before things take hold, they can blow up pretty quickly again.
Thanks for the well wishes. I do NOT plan to move too quickly. Aside from this being something that doesn't feel right, the truth is that while I have things to work on, so does she. And as far as I can tell, she still hasn't changed anything. I'm NOT going back to the way we used to live.
I still believe a lot of counseling for the two of us is required before she ever comes back into the house, regardless of any changes she makes. She is continuing with her move in any case, which I believe is for the best.
Do not attach any meaning to her inviting you back for another day at the theme park. Things will take a quick turn in the other direction and leave you just as confused, if you try to make it have significant meaning.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
That's exactly what happened. There was this flurry of things, her wanting to spend time together, talking about comign to the house this week so we can work on something with D, having dinner together, her talking about how excited she was, etc. She says it was all about me spending time with D (don't know how I'm supposed to interpret "I'm so excited" as anything other, but whatever).
I'm bummed out, but not as bad as before. This is just death throes I guess. When I've been with her this weekend, it was like a stranger. A stranger I didn't even like very much, much less love. I get the whole ILYBNILWY now, because that's how I feel. Wondering why I bothered to fight for this person.
OM #2 (Florida guy) is still in the picture. Though she denies it, she acts like his girlfriend (I see her log on to xbox 15 minutes before he gets home from work, then the two of them spend the next few hours together in party, then they log out around the same time).
Was trying to figure out if she was WW or WAW. Personality has elements of both. Don't think it matters much anymore.
Not shutting the door completely. I said I would give this a couple of months (if lawyer can draft something that protects me enough to make me feel safe and she signs/agrees with it) and I will, but I'm pretty sure there's no point in doing so.
That's exactly what happened. There was this flurry of things, her wanting to spend time together, talking about comign to the house this week so we can work on something with D, having dinner together, her talking about how excited she was, etc. She says it was all about me spending time with D (don't know how I'm supposed to interpret "I'm so excited" as anything other, but whatever).
I'm bummed out, but not as bad as before.
This is why it's recommended to go dark and start turning down these invites. You had some expectations attached to all of the things you labeled as 'weird'. But now youre bummed, because it didnt work out like you had hoped.
Originally Posted By: EastTN
Though she denies it, she acts like his girlfriend (I see her log on to xbox 15 minutes before he gets home from work, then the two of them spend the next few hours together in party, then they log out around the same time).
1) Why are you still watching this level of activity?
2) Why are you talking to her about it?
Originally Posted By: EastTN
I said I would give this a couple of months (if lawyer can draft something that protects me enough to make me feel safe and she signs/agrees with it) and I will, but I'm pretty sure there's no point in doing so.
Again, what does it matter? Instead of focusing on the physical relationship you have (with respect to the paperwork of being married), you should be focusing on your detachment. And theres no timetable for that.
You're right, I had expectations. I was trying hard not to, but I did, and I paid for it. I normally have REALLY good impulse control, but right now I don't, so I'm talking when I shouldn't be, I'm saying yes to things I should say no to (I managed to say no last week, but instead of making this about D she implied it was about us, and I caved).
Why am I still watching that level of activity? I don't know, it's just there. When this started, I AVOIDED xbox, my friends from it (who were "our friends" at some point) because I largely blamed it as at least the catalyst for where we were, and I had better things to do. Oddly enough, I see it as part of GAL now (the social aspect of it at least), but it's hard to ignore her.
Why am I talking about it? Frustration. I still have this tiny, tiny hope that things will change. I can't step on it, it goes quiet for a while, but it sticks its head out. I know that nothing will ever change while OM is around. I feel like she should be called out on her [censored], that's she's being so disrespectful I have to tell her.. I realize it's useless and counterproductive, but stepping on feelings right now is so damn hard.
Right now, do you know who I am? I'm that person who has a problem that needs medication to fix. I've had numerous opinions on the subject, and everyone agrees I need to take my pills. But I'm refusing to do so "because I don't like the way they make me feel." I can't (won't) follow this good advice I'm getting, because I don't like how it makes me feel.
I'm holding things together for D right now, but I'm really freaking tired. My anxiety is through the roof. The guy that works for me is telling me today that I've looked like I'm on the edge of a panic attack for most of the afternoon.
I'm not in love with her anymore. I Don't even LIKE the person she is right now. Instead of making this easier, it's making it harder. I can't even explain why. I told my counselor Friday that at some point she's going to tell me I'm codependent. I've built a mental and emotional support structure that has W and D as the basis. I can't fall back on either one of them (W because she's not there as she's the problem. D because I'd have to be a monster to try to lean on a six year old for emotional support. The possible damage there is incalculable).
I'm whining at this point, and I'm sorry for that. I'll shut up for a bit.
