Yes I agree with Mach, so we had an argument and you raised your voice...so now I'm off to Arkansas or wherever?? None of us were ideal partners and being with someone day in day out does have inevitable ups and downs. I think it is best to take what is useful from what she said and let the rest go. Ask yourself - is what happened how I want to be? Would I want to be like this in my next R? Does this fit with my own values etc.
Just to give you an example, I asked XH sometime after BD - if I could do something to save our marriage, what would that be? Dress more provocatively he said. I thought about that and I like to look attractive. I'm interested in make up and like to buy clothes etc. But provocative isn't really me and never was, so I let that one go...
Thinking about growth some more, there are some areas you've mentioned that could merit some focus:
Managing your own thoughts and the obsessive ruminating Codependency - your investment in that R 24/7 Social skills - you mention being more introverted, but I don't think any of us should or need to rely on our partner to meet all our social needs
Also, I was so sorry to read about your sister. I lost my brother 25 years ago, and it was such a difficult time. I was in my 20s and just starting my first job after uni. Wanting to make a good impression, I just buried the grief and of course it came bubbling up years later. Do you feel you have fully healed from her loss?
I'm not pointing out these things to suggest you are in any way defective. I think we all come to this site with areas we'd like to improve and I'm just picking up on things you have posted...
For me, I have found that focusing on what I can control (me) has really helped in the much longer term...
Hope something in here is useful for you anyway, and I hope today is a little better too
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
