So Confused and Conflicted (6)

[WshIKnw]

I was extremely inexperienced. The longest relationship I had before my wife was just a few weeks. Didn't seem to matter one bit to her that I hadn't had prior experiences to teach me about women. It's amazing that I held onto her as long as I did, given how little experience I had. I feel like I'm being punished for not being born knowing how to be a good man to a woman, and the punishment doesn't seem to fit the crime at all. But my wife would never tell me just how unhappy she was in the marriage. She told me post-BD that she "was ready to divorce" my "a$$" when we went to a Marriage Encounter Weekend in the spring of 2015. But why didn't she tell me that then? I needed​ to know exactly how unhappy she was. It would have helped me see how much change was needed. Just as "I'm not sure I want to be with you anymore" woke me up, and made me jump to action to try to save our marriage, "I'm considering divorcing you" would have jump-started me just the same, then. But for some reason, at the time, she just told me that she wanted to go to that because it would help our marriage -- help us to communicate better. She made no indication that our marriage was in danger. I asked her why she didn't tell me just how unhappy she was, and she said it was because I would make her feel guilty for being unhappy. Seems like a bit of an unbelievable reason. Maybe she made herself feel guilty because she knew it hurt me to hear that she was unhappy. Who knows? Maybe she had wanted to leave me for years, but loved me too much and knew how much it would hurt me, and so she didn't leave. I'm just pondering.

Thank you all for your support. It means a lot.