So an unbelievable turn of events...she came to me last night completely broken down and wants to work on the marriage 110%. She broke it off with OM as well and promised she has no intentions of talking to him again. Questions:
1. How do we rebuild trust? 2. Timeline on me moving back to the house? 3. How much time do we spend together now, going forward? 4. Other ideas/recommendations to make this last? 5. Do's/Don'ts?
1- Trust, but verify.
NO locks on phones, password information, no hidden money or accounts anywhere.
Check them at random times, often in the beginning...
OM IS going to contact her, and to an extent, that is going to have to be fine for a short time.
HOWEVER....When contact is made...
She tells you/shows you...
He is the one initiating contact, not her
This will fade over time, just let it be known that trust has been broken, and rebuilding it requires complete transparency by BOTH of you, if anything is to move forward.
2-This should be treated as a new relationship. Falling back onto old routines will end up in old results.
New you, new her...
Treat it as such
3-Don't try to define anything, just be happy, enjoy the good times and interactions, and work through issues as they arise. The rest should be natural..
4-Do you forgive her ??
Have you forgiven her ??
If yes, then this should NEVER be brought up in an argument...or any other time from this day forward..
If NO ??
Then YOU have some work to do also...
5-Go slow...
It didn't break overnight, it won't fix overnight
Watch your expectations...
Unspoken ones are just future failures waiting to happen...
