It sounds like your ex was a left behind spouse. His wife had taken up with another man which is pretty traumatic.
Yes. I understand that. I was not his first post-divorce relationship and he'd already processed what happened in his marriage in therapy, though, so I felt okay about it. He told me he was shaken up at first, but now could see that she'd done him a big favor.
Quote:
I can see how she would be controlling, because someone capable of that type of betrayal tends to have a certain sense of entitlement.
Yes, and she's just entitled in general. She has a job where she gets reviewed online, and hoo boy you should see some of them. They talk about how she's spacey and angry, and will snap if someone questions how she's doing her job. It sounds about right.
Quote:
I know someone going through something similar to you right now. Not easy. Especially with children that you have bonded with. And my heart goes out to you for that.
Thank you. It hurts so badly. They were supposed to be my family.
This experience makes me want to stay far away from dating men with children.
Quote:
He wants to keep me placated and its frustrating. I still have tons of anger and resentment. He had called me verbally abusive when he left as well.
JujuB, this is a way to stay attached to him. Anger is not the opposite of love. Staying angry with him means you don't have to let go. You're only hurting yourself, girl.
Quote:
Whats funny is that I don't worry about what one of his girl friends would say or think of me.
Okay. Just be careful. I see you already minimizing the role that new women will play in his life, but one day he's going to get serious with one of them. And she'll be his new partner and be around your kids, so it's in your best interest to stop minimizing them to yourself. This is real and it will happen. Take care of yourself by accepting that.
Quote:
I just get mad that he kind of left us in financial difficulties and new girls have no idea and think he is a great guy. He really villified me to justify walking away and now i am angry for that villification. I see him as a really bad guy and get upset because others are not seeing that.
I acknowledge your anger. That must be hard. But I still urge you to forgive him and let go. I doubt very much he went into things with you intending for that to be the end result.
Quote:
It almost feels like if someone murdered or seriously injured your dog and then you have to watch him getting a new dog and playing with it and treating it well.
You've got to grieve "your dog" if you ever want it to stop feeling this way. For you, not for him.
Quote:
Sigh, none of us are perfect. And reading your post is helping me to see why I need to move past what ex has done just for the sake of being a more graceful human being. Not easy though.
Not easy, but necessary for your own happiness. You, Juju. Not appearing as a graceful human being to others, as an investment in yourself. You deserve that.
