You guys aren't going to believe this pt 2

[Mach1]

I'll be honest, I'm scared right now. Scared of what the future will look like. Scared how I will cope with life's curveballs when my #1 confidant no longer gives a damn. I'm terrified of being lonely and being alone with my thoughts because my thoughts cause me a lot of pain.

Well hell, here I thought that I was your #1 confidant...

Look, the future is going to happen, whether you are scared of it or not.

You can sit there, in fear, and things will happen that you will feel "unfair"...

OR

You can take charge of your future, and choose to act, rather than REact to it...

You really do have a choice...

Changing my thought patterns has always been very challenging for me. I'm diagnosed OCD. I don't have the compulsion part as bad, but obsessing? I can obsess with the best of them.

I'm doing what I can for me right now. Taking anti-depressants. Going to the gym. Seeing my old therapist again. Trying to eat when I can. And going to bed early every night.

So turn that schidt around...

Get OCD about yourself and what you want YOUR future to look like..

My biggest hurdle is shame. I feel so ashamed by everything going on. And when I listen to WAW spew the reasons she has to leave again, I really take it to heart. And it destroys me.

F that....

Things happen, thing are always gonna happen...

So shameful of what ??

Dude, she has already left you...twice ??

Maybe, just maybe, some of this isn't your fault...

Maybe she needs you to be the fall guy for her dysfunction ??

Makes it easier to face her friends when you are such an asshat...

I know she has issues as I do. But I have never, ever, ever, left her. No matter how bad it got, I was always there. Probably my codependance that kept me in it when she would leave and come back only to leave again.

So work on your issues, F her issues and leave her to it...

IF what she is saying is absolutely true, and you don't like it ??

Then you work on changing that....

If it isn't true ??

Then don't spend any time worrying about it...

As long as you know YOUR truth, that is all that should matter..

F anyone that thinks otherwise. Until they walk in your shoes, then they don't get a say into your life...

Alot of my friends think I'm crazy for even being upset by this breakup. They all say she's a "runner" and any time life gets to real or anytime things are going really well, she loses her mind and starts planting seeds for an exit strategy.

Friends just want you to feel better...

You get to choose what you do...

None-the-less, I blame myself. I shouldn't have yelled at her and sworn at her. It's almost like I have PTSD from the last time she left and I was probably testing her to see how she would react. She's not completely innocent, though. She has sworn at me too when things got stressful. But this was not a pattern, these were one off arguments in the last 2 months of us searching for our home. Prior to that, we haven't raised our voices in over 10 months.

Thanks for always keeping an eye on me, Mach. I really do value your input.

You are only responsible for 100% of your 50% of this...

She, she , she....

Blah, blah, blah...

You Thor....

More you, less her.

Do you really think, that in a healthy relationship, that one or two arguments, are make or break situations ???

Be honest here...

An entire relationship hinges on one or two arguments....

?????



Yea, I didn't think so either....