Eyes on the next curve

[Bird]

So, I feel like garbage today.

Had meeting with H on Saturday. It was at times tense; he lost his temper once and stormed out, then came back in and apologized. I kept my cool and was professional throughout. We came to an agreement on support & maintenance as well as custody. Leaving custody as is with the exception of adding an additional overnight every other week into the mix. This puts the kids with me 4 nights a week and him 3 nights a week. He will adhere to state's formula for support and maint and I will forego asking for reimbursements on medical premiums and a handful of other things.

So when I got to work this morning and plugged the numbers into a spreadsheet for each of us... he's left with so little. It's true he doesn't need such a high car payment and he didn't need to rent an entire home whose rent is higher than many people's mortgages. But still I just feel lousy. I think I achieved what I needed to achieve to take care of myself and my kids, but I feel guilty for what this is going to do to him.

Despite that he left, despite OW... I love this person and I hate seeing what his choices are doing to him. I feel like I'm the one doing the hurting. It really is true that no one wins in a divorce. I hate it. I guess all there is to do now is drop the rope and see what happens. Once the separation agreement is filed, we can either file for divorce right away on the basis that the marriage has been irretrievably broken for a period of 6 months, or we can wait a year and convert the separation to a divorce. Those are the two no-fault options in my state. I'm not sure what he will be doing. I think I'm just going to sit back and take a breath. Based on our conversation on Saturday, he is still deep in Replay so I don't see our situation changing anytime soon.