Next phase: Divorce and Acceptance

[Pax_luv]

Greetings all,
Hope you had a lovely weekend. Just felt like popping in...

Things continue to be super busy with me so I'm not really able to post much. However, I am following along and am rooting for peace for all of you from afar.

On Thursday, I went to a taping of an Oprah special. I am a huge Oprah fan. When me and ex first separated, I dedicated every conscious moment to fixing myself. I basically memorized DR, journaled, went to therapy, etc. The only television show I allowed myself to watch was Oprah's super soul Sunday. I would record it, and watch each episode 2-3 times while taking notes on general learnings. Now every time I watch it, I'm reminded of my experience sitting on the floor of my apartment with itchy cheap carpet that gave me a rash, surrounded by my cardboard box furniture, dog by my side, trying to absorb everything while just sobbing away. For some reason, going back to that place emotionally is just humbling. I've come so far and I'm proud of it.

Anyway, once a year, oprah brings the thought leaders together and provides a day of lectures and it gets filmed. I went last year and also went this year.... Oh my, it just fills me up. I'm not sure if I can even reference what I just did on this forum (sorry Job if I broke any rules) but I wish I could share the learnings with you all. Ugh- it was so good.

One of the most interesting things to me is, these renowned speakers all were put on their path of enlightenment and spirituality after hitting rock bottom. They all had serious vices and all were given a choice point where they could go down one path or another. They all chose the difficult path that required a ton of work and rebuilding and all of them came out the side better versions of themselves.

"I took the easy way out and It's the best decision I ever made." said NO ONE ever!!!

I'm reminded of all of us here where sometimes we need something like the destruction of a marriage for all of us to truly rebuild our lives for the better. I personally can speak to this. I'm 3 times the woman I was back when this all started over 2 years ago and I'll continue to grow and be a seeker, a liver, and a compassionate human. I always promise myself to make an effort to never get complacent. I don't ever want to be the girl I once was. Sure, she had a charmed life.... House on the hill, fancy cars in the driveway, nice watch on the wrist. Sure there was financial value there, but no other value. I wasn't even valued as an individual with ideas and feelings. More importantly, I didn't value myself as an individual with thoughts and feelings that (heaven-forbid) were not in alignment with her husband or anyone else's. I will never, ever, ever put myself in that position again. Co-dependent no more!

I digress.

On an ex related note.... Last week was tough as I had to get my docs organized to prove that I was an active parent to my dog. It was emotional as I had to go through all our old text messages including all the spew. It's hard. I know I'm dealing with a monster and I'm not just saying that. I was married to the guy.... I know what he's capable of. I'm put into the position of being hyper-vigilant which is the complete opposite of how I want to live my life. I'm not sneaky... I'm a law abiding citizen and I'm fair and just.... And I'm in a situation I don't want to be in, but I have to be in it for now. Ugh.

I'm bouncing all over the place. Apologies for the flow. I hope you all have a great week full of love and laughter!
Be well.