It sounds like your ex was a left behind spouse. His wife had taken up with another man which is pretty traumatic. I can see how she would be controlling, because someone capable of that type of betrayal tends to have a certain sense of entitlement.
I know someone going through something similar to you right now. Not easy. Especially with children that you have bonded with. And my heart goes out to you for that.
I have to confess that I too have sent my ex some emotional, passive aggressive and angry texts meant to place blame and guilt on him. And I can tell he has trouble responding. He wants to keep me placated and its frustrating. I still have tons of anger and resentment. He had called me verbally abusive when he left as well.
Whats funny is that I don't worry about what one of his girl friends would say or think of me. I just get mad that he kind of left us in financial difficulties and new girls have no idea and think he is a great guy. He really villified me to justify walking away and now i am angry for that villification. I see him as a really bad guy and get upset because others are not seeing that.
It almost feels like if someone murdered or seriously injured your dog and then you have to watch him getting a new dog and playing with it and treating it well. I would never want to be back with someone capable of hurting an animal but at the same time the anger is there because hey, what about my dog that I invested in. (Again different from his ex, as she was the one to cheat and leave)
Sigh, none of us are perfect. And reading your post is helping me to see why I need to move past what ex has done just for the sake of being a more graceful human being. Not easy though.
