Also the DB coach a month or so ago advised me to contact her, even though everyone here seems to think no contact is always the best choice.
WshIKnw,
I don't what works best, but I do know that when we're in the midst of this process we tend to evaluate everything we do at a microscopic level. Every word and action of both parties is parsed and scrutinized and we often believe we've done irreparable damage. Having gone through the h3ll that you are currently going through, I think it's just as important to make choices about your life and your marriage that you can live with and do it with confidence and the with the understanding that you may be wrong. The small things can add up, but keep in mind that your marriage may be saved because the OM decided to dump your wife, and not because you sent your wife an apology.
Maybe but won't until he makes fundamental changes.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
doodler is correct. At the end of the day you are ultimately the only one who has to live with your actions so you must do what you feel is right.
There were so many things that I had to say/said to my EW because I didn't want to live the rest of my life knowing that I didn't do everything possible to save the M. After those things were said then it was time for me to move on.
Just got to keep in mind that this time is about you and not her. As hard as it is you need to keep the focus on yourself and continue moving forward with or without her.
M: 37 W: 36 T: 16 M: 11 D2: 8,3 PA: 2015 WAW: 2016 W Filed: 2017 2/07/2017 W officially dating OM2
Maybe but won't until he makes fundamental changes.
My wife said that the vast majority of the things on her laundry list of complaints would have to be improved, and the vast majority of those things were caused by a lack of understanding for how much she needed changes, and a lack of appreciation for her. Both the understanding and the appreciation has been corrected by her serious threat of leaving, and then actually leaving. So, the vast majority of her complaints I believe would be fixed by that alone. Other things, like my fears, my unwillingness to chase what I want and need in life, rather than wait for it to come to me, and relying on other people to take care of me, rather than taking care of myself, allowing myself to take things and people for granted -- those things are what I'm trying to really work on.
M: 33, W: 30 @BD M 7, T 10 BD: Early Dec W left: Late Dec W got stuff: Late Jan W sent S papers: Mid Feb OM cnfrmd: Late Feb
Pain can yield tremendous growth OR everlasting sadness and bitterness.
I applaud you for getting yourself where you need to be. That way, for the next person that will enter your life.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Depression is setting in. I feel like I'm turning back into the same person I was before my wife met me and saved me. I wish I hadn't forgotten how miserable and lonely that I was before she came along. I feel like I'm withdrawing and giving up, which is what I did before. I would just stay at home, and sleep my life away. I didn't try much to have friends because I didn't think anyone wanted to be friends with me. I didn't try much to get girls because I didn't think that any of the ones I wanted would want me. My wife just came along one day out of the blue and saved me from that life, and now she's tossed me back to it, because I got slack and forgot how important she was to me. I'm the biggest idiot in the world.
M: 33, W: 30 @BD M 7, T 10 BD: Early Dec W left: Late Dec W got stuff: Late Jan W sent S papers: Mid Feb OM cnfrmd: Late Feb
Pain can yield tremendous growth OR everlasting sadness and bitterness.
Wsh, You need to stop that negative self talk right now. You have so much potential right there peeking out, just waiting to be tapped. Please don't listen to that defeated voice. It's not coming from a place of light. None of us can afford to build our self-worth on another human. Your wife didn't save you from being anything. She may have motivated you, but you saved yourself because when you got motivated, you wanted more for yourself. You can do that again, without her! I know you can!! Now you get yourself up and get out of the house today, just find one thing to do that involves sunshine and outside. One day at a time, baby. You can do this. ((((wsh)))))
M-60 H-51 M-14 years BD 12/26/16 S 1/1/17
"First the pain, then the rising." Glennon Doyle Melton
