Eyes on the next curve

[Bird]

Journaling... fairly quiet week. Trying to gather my thoughts to have this meeting tomorrow with H to go over the things he didn't like about the agreement. It's a very tricky thing when you're an emotional person like me. But I'm going to do my best to control the meeting and my emotions, and if it seems like we aren't getting anywhere, I will end the meeting and try another day. I'm willing to compromise on some items, but whether he can accept what I'm offering is another story entirely. I'll be glad when it's over. All the planning and thinking has given me a weeklong headache and I have work to do!

So H has been quiet since D's therapy session on Monday, but I got a call from his brother who wanted to check in with me yesterday. There are just the two of them in his family, and H has isolated BIL. They have always been really close and I know BIL is also hurt by his behavior. Anyhow, H tried to give his brother the story about how he's "thinking of asking OW out" (we are all 99% certain he's been with her for a while now). BIL called him out on it, told him it was adultery and told him he'd better wake up and start thinking about his family. I doubt it registered, but it felt good to have someone have my back so solidly finally. Also H's parents have cut off his money (they were paying his rent) and his dad said that if he is with OW that they will disown him. I expect things like that are why he keeps lying about her.

I miss H's family. We've been so close for 20 years and he has just decimated it. Also BIL told me that they think his mom had a small stroke in January and was dx with breast cancer this week. H had not told me either of these things. I've been keeping them at arm's length because of the conflicting emotions I have regarding their financial support of him but I did call MIL last night to catch up and talk about her health.

I'm so frustrated at what his behavior has done to his parents, his brother & family, my family, and obviously our own family. I'm furious that my little girl is cutting her arms with a razor blade and this OW is totally fine with the part she has to play in all of this. It is really helping me to detach from the situation though. At this point, he is not someone that I want to be with.