The excitement of what if

[JRuss]

Seems utterly reasonable to feel exactly the way you're feeling.

There is another side; I'm sure of it. Anger, feeling it, acknowledging it, letting it be what it is (trying not to act on it, though) has to be worked through to get there, though. Why on earth would you not be angry? Who wouldn't be? We're taught to push down anger, and to try to force it away, but there's nothing wrong with anger. It's the emotional expulsion of all of the blame we originally (wrongly) put on ourselves when we first realized our Ms were over (or on life support). It has to be experienced.

I think wanting the entire process to be over is actually a good thing. That's a really good goal, and it suggests you're well and truly past the shattering and withdrawal phases, because when in those, there's just coping, and not always that, and there's certainly no ability to look forward. Just don't beat yourself up if, on any given day, you feel like you're backsliding. It's all progress if you want to be making progress. At least that's how I see it.