Hi RBG, I feel for you man as I see the same thing with my STBX.
Like doodler, my W has a history of childhood sexual abuse that has never really been dealt with. Her parents didn't know until a few years ago when I really encouraged her to talk about it with them. The highly dissapointing thing about it was their reaction of just sweep it under the rug and not deal with it. It's a common thing in that side of the family.
My W has also had sucidal thoughts in her past, has cheated once before and then slept around basically using sex as a way to hurt herself. Some of the things she told me basically sounded like consensual rape... Yet I could never get her to see anyone, talk to anyone about it. It was and has never been her issue, always someone else's....
I see her now and just fed sad for her as she doesn't even seem to be interested in looking after herself. I don't think she has even gone and got a proper haircut in a year, just cuts it herself.... She dresses in old clothes and any new ones don't suit her at all, her favourite new footwear seem to be bright red rubber rain boots (she was wearing them last Saturday when I picked up the kids and it was 16 degrees and sunny...)
At the end of the day though, it is not my place to fix and I just hope she gets some help even if it was just for the sake of our kids. Have even had a couple of mutual friends say the same thing, that she needs to get some help..
