Status Unknown

[LW2381]

Sandi-

You are exactly right, to the letter. I see that she can see my pain bc she is so wrapped up in her own feelings. That is spot-on, there has never been truer words spoken. However, anyone that could/would speak truth to her has been cut out. Including her family. She is going to MC with me, but it seems as more as a formality to say "she tried everything".

I agree that she won't get help, I have tried (lovingly) to tell her she needs her own IC. However, I KNOW, that if I make it mandatory she will bolt. I know this because as you say, she hasn't done anything to improve the MR. Not transparency, no remorse, etc. And like, you it appears as though, she has no desire to put forth any effort. Any time it is addressed, she says "I'm here, so that should tell you what I want." Eventually, her excuses will catch up with her, but I fear that I won't be around, and I mean that. I am a good guy, I made mistakes, but there are people out there who will Love me (and I am learning to love myself, in spite of bad choices) no matter what.

She may be in contact with OM, but as my MC says, no point in snooping, bc bible says "all sins will come to light." She told me the first time anything happened, so the guilt was too much. So if she is in contact, not my monkeys. I have me and my S to fight for now. I am tired of being the scape goat for her circus though. She is starting to see that, that I am not putting up with her crap. I think that is why she is using the "you don't want me" trap. I haven't been cold or distant at all, i am just not at her beck and call anymore. She doesn't always know where I am (she did before bc of trust issues and my attempt at maintaining honesty and accountability). However, the tables have turned and she can't stand the pressure. MC said don't ask for cell-phone login (because of her fragile emotional state), but what do you think, do i ask and see if she balks? I feel like that would be a sure-fire way to know at least some of her standing (even though I know there are ways around it)?

Also, finding a person faith is truly a blessing. I feel as though at times, I have told God "I can't do this" you take it. However, I also know that he wants us to stand up for ourselves, so when I turn my worries over to him, I feel relief, but she comes back with "it's obvious you just don't care." Do i keep letting God have it, and put a smile on and love her, or do I fight for me?

Thanks-

LW