wanted to work on "us," I'd be there. I don't know at this point if I'd be able to forgive or trust, but I'd try.
Have to have both to make it work. Example...let's say she is "running late" at the store, caught up in traffic, whatever - would a smidgen of doubt enter your mind? If there is even a little, then trust isn't there. And being in a relationship where you don't fully, 100% trust that person is, well, ridiculous, to put it lightly. The question is, how could you trust someone who so deceived you as to sleep with someone else? Ultimate disrespect.
Im having a hard time reconciling this line of thinking with what MWD talks about in the first chapter of DR. The whole premise of the book is that it is better for everyone to stay and work through these issues rather than getting a divorce.
I consider this site to be for attempting to save marriages through even the worst of the worst of circumstances. Of course, we know that isnt always the likely (or even possible) outcome. But I believe that the advice presented here is always with the slant towards preserving the marriage as long as the poster is interested in that. I know I personally have a hard time telling someone that they should stop standing for their marriage.
Yes. I know. Right now, conceptually, EastTN has no marriage to save. His W is off with some OM somewhere doing something. But I think the advice to tell him to 'close the door' on the chance of reconciling because of the affair is a disservice to the intent of the philosophy put forward in the books.
Right now, the best thing you can do for your marriage is to follow Sandi's rules laid out in the stickied thread. Luckily, it is also the best thing for you, personally.
