WW, wlc, Waw or What?

[doodler]

Just read your sitch Doodler. You're a funny guy. Good thing you didn't do a 180 on that part of you

Btrow,

Thank you. It all started when I was a kid. I wanted to be a Jewish stand-up comedian, but I wasn't Jewish and I wasn't funny. That hasn't really changed over the years.

[sandi2]

Although the counselor sounds good, I would be very concerned about the mental health of D10. She may require phscological testing for mental disorders. Hearing voices in her head and seeing things in slow motion seems to be serious symptoms, and may have nothing to do with the breakup of the family.

[Btrow]

Thanks Sandi, i mentioned that to XW as well a couple of weeks ago, she went ballistic on me.... (luckily only by e-mail).

[Btrow]

Just realized I hadn’t posted in a couple of weeks.

Whenever the kids are “home” life is great and indeed the best GAL activity of all. Also last week has been the best “alone” week so far for me. Maybe I’m finally starting to detach. I don’t remember any particular sadness throughout the week, so things maybe starting to get better.

The meeting with the counselor was sort of uneventful. The kids and the counselor managed to convince XW that it wouldn’t be a problem at all, to spend a total of three combined weeks of summer vacation with their dad, which seemed to be one of XW’s issues. Two months ago when they spent 14 days with daddy surrounded by 2 x 11 days with XW, they allegedly told their mummy that they missed the normal shifts (7 days here and 7 days there). When the counselor asked them how they thought they would manage 3 weeks without their mother if the 14 days was a problem, D8 and D10’s response was “were older now”. I almost laughed. Yeah, they are two months older now.

I suspect that they prefer spending time with daddy, since they never mentioned any desire to go back to normal ways when they were here for 2 weeks. Also D3 cried the first 4 days missing daddy (not all day long off course), last week when they were with XW. She never cries here missing her mummy. I’m sure she treats them well, but maybe they can feel that daddy gives them 100 % love when they are here, and XW divides her 100 % between AP and them?

On a good note, the counselor convinced XW to take D10 to the doctor to figure out what type of issues she has. XW seems to be worried that D10 will be diagnosed with something seriously, when her condition might just be temporary because of the situation we are in. Most people shake their head when they hear XWs take on the situation. Me too… I’m not one for taking changes on my kids health.

XW was here today to drop off the kids, and I allowed D8 to let mummy in the house to see her new desk (normally I go to the door to let the kids in and send XW on her way). It was the first time in maybe 3 months she has been in her old home, and I don’t know if I had hoped for some sort of reaction from her, maybe showing some signs of missing the old life. None whatsoever. She couldn’t leave quickly enough (I didn’t talk to her). I’m feeling slightly disappointed right now, and it seems hope is disappearing. Someone please tell me that I should not lose hope and that things in unicornland can change quickly …..

Question: Whenever I read that most affairs die within the first 6 months, what is the starting date for that timeframe? The vague beginning of the EA (which must be appx. 10 months ago), the day it went physical (maybe 7 months, maybe 5 months ago), the day it was official that they dated (3 months ago) or what?

I had a “date” over for dinner the other day (only for conversational purposes) and whenever I’m talking to women we always end up talking about my marriage. Please someone give me some advise on how to avoid falling in that trap :)

Regarding women, when do I know when I’m ready to “really” date. Should I wait until I’m 100 % detached from XW, and feeling indifferent towards her, or is it okay to start before that? To be honest, I’m sort of afraid to fall in love right now….

[doodler]

Regarding women, when do I know when I’m ready to “really” date. Should I wait until I’m 100 % detached from XW, and feeling indifferent towards her, or is it okay to start before that?

Btrow,

You have to wait until you're at least 87.5% detached from your XW before you begin dating.

[Btrow]

Thanks Doodler, I had hoped for something in the region of 82,195 % but I'll work my way up then.

Btw: to anyone gone dark or in NC, stay that way for your own good. Today has been terrible for me after seing XW yesterday.

[doodler]

Btrow,

Ok then, 82.195% detached works as well, just don't tell anyone else. I tried dating a few weeks after my divorce and I found that I just wasn't terribly interested so I took a break.

I've remained dark with my XW. I'm doing that, in part, because we seem to be a caustic mixture right now, but also because I don't want to be friend-zoned. For the long term, I don't think that's best for my sons, so I'll probably be a little more open with my XW in the coming months.

[Btrow]

Yeah I understand your standing on future relations with your XW, but she didn't seem to have your sons wellbeing in mind when she started the EA with the other guy (My XW also had an EA with a guy 18 years her senior, which probably didn't become PA until after D though).

I have no intensions of ever being the bigger guy, so the mess the kids are in, is all on her..

[doodler]

Btrow,

I understand what you're saying, but my sons love their mother and I'm not going to take that away from them. I won't allow her to put them in dangerous situations, but I can't remove her from their lives unless she does that herself.

[Btrow]

Ohh sorry I dont know your entire story, but my kids are with their mother every other week so its not as if Im taking them away from her.

I just dont talk to her in person and the exchanges are on schooldays when she takes them to school in the morning and I pick them up after school and reverse the next week. We do communicate through mail if there is any relevant info for the other parent.