Also, one of my closest friends who has been helping me through all of this, suggested I go on some dates a while back.
Needless to say, I was very, very reluctant to do so. But after a bit, I did.
Interesting. I was surprised at how much I was able to stand back from it all and how quickly I was able to get a handle on what someone was all about. I guess that's the difference between dating in your early/mid 20s and then meeting people pretty much 20 years on from that, with a whole load of life experience.
It was also interesting how dating is different now than it was 20 odd years ago. Then, if you were going 'out on a date' it was a pretty big deal. I remember knowing that you went on a date with the intention of it leading somewhere else (more serious, like a relationship). And you would only date one person at a time. Now, it seems a lot less serious, more of a just a chat and get to know you a bit more type thing. And you might not be dating just one person exclusively. To get my head round that all took a little time, and chatting with my friend.
I also found it interesting in that it showed me pretty quickly what's important to me and what I don't particularly like/am looking for/want. A few things caught me unawares, and I was a bit surprised by them, but it's good to be conscious of them I guess. Self awareness is always a good thing
I kind of knew all along that I like people who were fairly independent. I am that way too. I don't like the idea of being with someone *all* the time, I think I would find that pretty suffocating. I like to do my own things too and would hope that someone else was the same. Some shared interests, but some interests independent of each other. I guess the important thing in this case, being like this, is to make sure that you keep the connection with the other person alive. I reckon this is the mistake (one of them, one of the big ones) I made in my M.
I hadn't realised how important (and attractive) it was for me for someone to have a great deal of presence, be it physical, spiritual or emotional. And along with that presence, self awareness as well. I guess I believe that self awareness brings a certain amount of stillness and strength with it, and I find those things very appealing - especially after all the drama of the past 6 years (WH's MLC included, along with the usual life stuff that happens).
I guess, all in all, I was pretty shocked at how old, worn out and tired some of the gentlemen of my own age looked. I don't know what I was expecting, but so many of them *look* old. I couldn't see myself going out with them. So clearly someone who looks after themselves and a certain amount of youthfulness is also appealing to me.
Anyway, it's been very interesting how much I've learnt about myself in going out on a handful of dates. I do feel in a much better, stronger position within myself, more confident too.
