Leaving it up to God (I think!)

[Coly23]

Hey Roist, thanks girl the visit.

Yes, H probably does think I'm away with the fairies wanting to save this marriage and the longer this goes on the more I think I agree with him!

I guess I do still have expectations but it's hard to think that someone has changed so much towards you. I know he's definitely not the man I married and that makes it even sadder.

I don't think I share your optimism that I can turn this around. I think he just sees me with different eyes now, maybe not his type and now regrets ever getting with me in the first place. I know for sure I'm not his type visually so I don't know why he wanted to be with me in the first place. Again, I go back to him maybe wanting an instant family so he can try it out but now realises its not for him. Sorry if I am sounding negative but thats how I feel at the moment. The doubts of whether any of this was genuine or real have started to creep in.

I have a feeling he won't contact me unless it is to do with the house. His way to keep connected will be through D. I don't know if I should contact him either because he is expecting me to. I don't want to turn it into some sort of stand off but I don't really want to talk to him anyway.

Journaling: H contacted D for the first time in two weeks and asked her out for coffee. She blew him off because she has too much going on with exam revision etc. I'm not getting involved so that's for them to sort out.

Other than that just plugging along. I feel I am just letting life carry me at the moment with no zest for it. I feel every day I make myself go out and put on a happy face and be full of optimism but inside I am a bunch of knots and hurt.

Hope everyone is having a good week.