Journaling a bit. Last week was rough but I think I'm letting it go. The week before last was the week W left the kids w/me and peaced out w/OM Combined with my bday, her trip, and kids going back w/her this week I let it get to me and I felt a lot of repressed anger come up. It was hard to deal w/it but for now I'm feeling better for the most part. She also stood the kids up again Sunday, telling them she was going to get them since she had been gone but never did. So frustrating.
Monday was a rough day, W stopped by after work to pick some things up. I was already having those feelings and wasn't going to be here but didn't want to miss the kids so I stayed home. W made them stay in the car and they were upset about it. I went to say hi and had her take the booster seats I just got because she didn't want their others. I told W I smelled antifreeze when I went over to her car and she snapped at me "well if I had money I'd fix it I would." I would feel bad if she weren't running around, leaving every other weekend, concerts, tattoos, etc. I ignored it and when I put the seats in D didn't want to get out of the middle because of the garbage and there was puke in the back. Ugh, so she's driving around in a pukey car and complains of it smelling. She's out of it.
I've done a couple more reiki sessions for myself and they were absolutely nothing like the first but yesterday's helped me feel more relaxed and detached, and to let the anger go.
I've been thinking a lot about W's situation and why she cracked. I feel sorry for her. There is so much to it and I can see it has trickled down generations. For just one aspect, she is the oldest of six and was forced to play mom at a ridiculously young age, making dinners and taking care of siblings in an abusive home. Maybe having our kids was like going back (minus abusive home) to this for her. It's hard, I've been feeling a mix of anger for what she's done and empathy for her.
I still haven't heard back anything about D. IDK if W has signed yet but I'm sure she will.
I contacted an old friend tonight to get together sometime and we are planning on getting together sometime soon. That should help w/GAL.
Trying to work through all this, I had a couple good weeks and then last week. I guess it's normal and things will keep getting better as I move forward.
I hope you're all having a good week and have a good Easter weekend.
