It takes two to make it work (pt. 6)

[SBJ]

Journaling...the W's birthday is this week and I have given $$$ to my oldest to take care of a gift from the kids to her. Is it weird that I still feel odd not going out and buying her a gift for her birthday? I always got a charge out of finding something that I thought she'd really like. My MIL is taking her and my kids out to dinner to celebrate...first one apart.

I have been keeping her and my children close in my prayers this week. I have been on edge since it is getting close with regards to the D paperwork being ready. Actually received 3 calls from her so far today...2 about business stuff and one about $$$ (taxes and kids). Sometimes, it is awesome to hear her voice. Brings back happier memories for sure. I miss hearing from her during the day either to tell me something that has happened or even just to ask me to pick up something on my way home from work.

I'm not one to analyze dreams, but I had one hell of a nightmare/angered dream Sunday night. It woke me to where I couldn't go back to sleep. It made for one long day yesterday. Anyway, in it I was having a heated confrontation with the OM and the W was defending him. I woke up when things were just getting too out of control. I guess I was too mad and angry to get comfortable to go back to sleep.

[Gordie]

Of course you miss hearing from her and buying her presents. You were together for decades! Take care of yourself for now. Be your own best friend.

[SBJ]

I know Gord...I'm trying. It's just special days that are extra tough. I always tried to take extra good care of her on her birthday. She deserved to be treated special especially on her days...bday and Mother's Day.

Now while she and our kids are out celebrating her bday with the inlaws, I'm at home grilling steak and venison backstrap, sipping cold beer with my dog...I'm just glad I haven't been so bad off that I started writing country music. Haha!

[Sotto]

Ha ha, well there's still time SBJ!

Looks like you live in the same state as Brene Brown - I think she is great - have you watched her TED talks?

[SBJ]

Sotto I had not heard from her, but listened to a couple...pretty good stuff.I especially liked when she spoke of who we should or should not speak of our personal shame to. It makes sense. People have to earn the right to share your "story".

Thanks for the referral.

[Sotto]

You're welcome. I first heard of her on this site and reading her work has been pretty life changing for me. I discovered there is a world network of accredited trainers who courses based on her work - and we have one in the UK. I just booked to go on a workshop this Autumn - exciting!

Hope you're having a better day today.

[leahsue]

Sotto,
I too, am an avid student of Brene Brown. I need to go back and re-read her books. She's so good.

[Kyh]

I'm not one to analyze dreams, but I had one hell of a nightmare/angered dream Sunday night. It woke me to where I couldn't go back to sleep. It made for one long day yesterday. Anyway, in it I was having a heated confrontation with the OM and the W was defending him. I woke up when things were just getting too out of control. I guess I was too mad and angry to get comfortable to go back to sleep.

I think sometimes dreams are our subconscious way of dealing with things and it can be helpful to analyze them. Some are meant to be analyzed and can be life changing and others are rubbish. I also had one I mentioned in my thread that was quite unique. In another I kept having after bd, I was in a reoccurring nightmare of being in an out of control car w/someone else driving and would wake up after it crashed. The last time I had the dream it crashed into a cemetery, instead of waking up I got out and saw a man w/ two kids going to a grave. As I watched I realized it was me and the kids looking at w's tombstone. I haven't had those nightmares since; what a LBS message.

It is odd not getting things for bdays, etc. but you did the right thing giving the kids money to do it. In a roundabout way they know and appreciate it even if they can't acknowledge it.

Keep strong on the D front I know it is hard but we will get through it.

[SBJ]

Thanks Kyh...I know that God will guide my family thru this trial, but it is exhausting.

Why do we sometimes do things that we know we will get hurt by? Yesterday I searched FB because I noticed all of the HBD messages to my W. Low and behold there were tons of well wishes. What I noticed was that there were only a few that she responded to. One was a friend of hers that is the feel good person...whatever makes you feel good you should do it, is his motto. The other 2 were to to other guys. One was the older bother of her OM and the other was to the younger brother to the OM. While I know I should not have even looked...I did it anyway. I guess I was the kid that touched the stove even after my peeps told me I'd get burned.

That totally made for a gut wrenching evening. I will be forcing myself to stay away from social media...that is probably for the best anyway. Instead of looking at the false lives of others, I should keep myself focused on myself and stay in the word anyway.

[peacetoday]

SBJ

I think we have all been there
I know I also checked XH Facebook as well as OW
for me it was a validation of who my XH is with what I suspected was indeed true

I do make a point to not visit anymore as it is long gone

hang in