WW Help Needed

[codeman]

I feel like I'm doing all the wrong things so I'm finally asking for help.
I love my wife and I want my marriage back but not like it was and trust will be a large hurdle.

History...
I met my wife when I was 17 and she was 14. It was instant "love at first sight". We dated for months then I went into the Navy and the plan was when I got stationed somewhere we would get married and she would come live with me. Well while I was away she cheated on me, my sister found out and told me so I broke up with her. Every time I would come home on leave we would be together.

Before I got out of the Navy, in 1989 she married a guy and they moved to Minnesota. I married 1993 and then divorced in 2007. While I was going through it and connecting with friends on Myspace my old girlfriend connected with me online and we started talking. Seems like she was going through a divorce at the same time. Because her family was all down here she moved back to Texas so one thing led to another and we connected again and got married in 2008.

Current sitch...
I neglected my wife emotionally, sexually and physically. 08/16 Wife comes to me and says something has to change or I'm going to leave. I was shocked and had no idea what to do or say. Same behavior continued and she came to me 2 more times crying telling me it has to change or she is leaving. I told her we can go to counseling or whatever but I did nothing to change myself or to help her.

EA since 6/16
PA since 9/16
Moved out 10/16 with OM
Lost job 11/16 OM had no job
OM got job 01/17
She wants to be friends and do things as "friends Only" like movies and lunches but is hiding the fact she is contacting me from OM.

When she left it was as a light switch turned on in my head and a fire was lit under my feet. I did an immediate self inventory of myself and my past behavior. I read books and searched the web for knowledge. I have completed my transformation in to the man I should have been but didn't know how. She has noticed and no I didn't ask.

When she left she was very angry and upset with me. Never wanted to see or talk to me again but eventually she would come pick me up and we would go eat or just ride around. She wanted to spend time with me behind OM back.

She tells our D30 that she loves OM and no longer sees me that way.

Should I continue to be her "friend" and "Hang out" with her or should I go NC. She was contacting me regularly asking when I could "come see her" but I thought I should go NC so I started pulling back. Only replying with short answers and I would wait 15 or 20 minutes before replying.

I told her I can't be her friend but I will help her if she needs help. I said OM should support her and she shouldn't be hiding things from him as honesty and trust are the foundations of good relationships.

Now she is mad and saying to never contact her and all I want to do is help her only if she is no longer with OM. That I'm helping her on my terms.

Please DBers I need your advice badly.