WRT to an agreement, I am pretty sure that would not be acceptable to W as a temporary measure. I'll talk to lawyer about this next week, though, and get his take. As far as our relationship giving us structure, that's not what I'm saying. I'm saying our relationship is PREVENTING structure. I'm not a control freak, I don't want or need to control other people, but I NEED to control myself. I NEED to have a plan A, B, C, and D through Z just for good measure. I can't function properly without the surety of ALWAYS KNOWING what to do, because I've planned for it. It's like the pentagon having a file on what to do in case of Zombie Apocalypse. Yeah, they know it's never going to happen... but they've still got the file so they know what to do if it does. The end of this relationship is something I never planned for. Now that I'm here, I have a desperate need to plan my way out of this box I'm in. GAL, etc are a part of that planning, but "finance" and "child care" are the keystones. Nothing I do will be correct if those aren't accounted for.
With regard to "finding someone new" that's really not my intent. I'd just like to be able to have dinner with someone of the opposite sex without feeling like a cheater. That said... I've lived that scenario already. W was the new flame, and previous W (we were separated not divorced) did her level best to destroy it. I repeatedly pushed her away, and that just made her double down and come back harder. She wore me down, and I agreed to what she wanted (only to later find out it was another con). I had to admit what I had done. I couldn't imagine NOT admitting it. And then I walked away from my new relationship for exactly the reason you hint at: it simply wasn't fair for me to be doing what I was doing. That was the second worst day of my life (even worse than the ILYBNILWY speech).
I remember when I left, being told "you can't leave me, because that means you're leaving both of us." I got free of (first wife) and went back a few days later.
When I got the ILYBNILWY speech, I had a lot of anger for that reason... that someone that had played that card was now leaving me. I had come back to both of them, given everything I had to give to them, and now she was leaving. I realize that's not how it works, that we do what we need to do for ourselves, that it is unreasonable to expect someone to be loyal to you because you were loyal to them even if they're miserable. But it doesn't make it hurt any less, or take the anger away.
For the rest... thanks for the metaphor of moving the ball. I'll think about that one, it's a good metaphor. To continue it, I'm the kind of person that's planning what to do on the 14th tee before I've even left the clubhouse. That might be something I have to change, though I really don't know how to yet.
