Thanks for the kind words, Tryin (and the honest ones too). I appreciate what you're saying about hope. I guess I really hadn't looked at it that way.
My relationship with my daughter is great, and it's what I'm pouring most of my energy into. When W first moved out, I sent a note to school explaining what was going on (in the simplest terms) and to let me know if D's behavior changed. I got a note home a week and a half later that broke my heart. She had regressed, couldn't read sight words that she'd had down for months, cried at the drop of a hat, didn't do her desk work because she was distracted all the time, etc. I got her on a good schedule, we did the full list of sight words EVERY night, worked on her reading, got After School involved in her homework, etc. Last week was report cards / parent teacher conference, and I got a glowing review. Complete turnaround. I've never been prouder of anything in my whole life.
I AM trying to do things for myself. This is a bit complicated by the fact that I don't know what to do. It's funny, but somewhere along the way I lost the ability to "have fun" by myself. What most people do for fun just plain ISN'T fun for me. The places most people socialize (bars / church) just don't work for me. I'm working on fixing that, weekends are just too damn long otherwise.
I went by the airport a week or so ago to look at what it would take to get current again. I haven't flown in years, but I'm really looking forward to taking my little girl up once I'm ready to. Waiting on FAA changes coming in May before I can really start that, though, since my medical is expired.
House is still a disaster, I really can't clean because it's still full of W's stuff. That problem should go away in the next couple of weeks. Only room in the house that's really clean is D's room, because I make sure she has HER space where she can play and be a kid. When W moved out, I swapped D's room with the guest room (note to all: moving two rooms worth of furniture by yourself is a WORKOUT) because it gave her more room.
I've lost 48 pounds since bomb drop, which is also something I'm proud of. It's not depression weight loss, it's carefully managed food intake.
