WW won't separate

[resolut]

I had to remind myself over and over that its not really her talking. She is so engrossed in this affair and the fog that nothing is normal to her. It is like my 46yo wife has regressed into being an adolescent and showing many traits of an addict.

I've had some time to mull this one over. One thing that you must remember is that people change. And, when people want out for reasons we can't identify or maybe to satisfy our own weak thinking, we tend to make up things for an explanation - hence the terms alien or fog or whatever. The elephant in the room that no one discusses is that an affair isn't the result of some afterthought...they just don't happen overnight. Just like the decision to leave a marriage doesn't happen over night, neither does an affair. At the same time, affairs can't be blamed on the affair partner...the partner didn't force them to sleep with them or whatever, it was a conscious decision. Think about that for a minute. It was a conscious decision.

So, for whatever reason, we for our own selfish reasons want a person like that back, knowing full well it may very well happen again. Then what? The best thing you can do is take care of yourself and make yourself the best you can be. Don't roll over or whatever. You need YOU.

Yes. I understand what you are saying. Although I contributed to the affair from an emotional standpoint, she was the one to take the physical steps. And yes I do get it that she has checked out a long time ago, years. She's made that clear to me.

I think when you are 25 plus years into a relationship and have 4 kids it takes a long time to detach and reach the point where you can just walk away. Although I am ambivalent about the marriage, I currently sway more to being willing to accept her back and try to reconcile. Although, there would need to be serious steps taken to end the A and have no contact, etc.

Thanks for your thoughts.