Leaving Castle Caladan

[Zues126]

OK, that was the universe’s way of telling me to shorten it up a bit. And to start composing these in a word document first…here goes take two!

Job: To recap the last year has been impossible. Sales goals out of reach, followed by a huge bank scandal in September with my company that impacted my business tremendously. I was hanging on until 1/1/17 figuring that they’d come out with a new pay plan but it didn’t look promising. It’s hard to say in my business because I don’t get paid upon closing accounts, I get paid as they start to perform. So I figured I’d give in 90 days, collect my annual bonus, and if my performance wasn’t in line with the goals I’d have to look elsewhere. This is really tough because starting in a new sales gig would be a huge investment of time and energy as well as a pay cut to relearn a new business.

Then, at the last minute, the sun broke through the clouds. They surprised everyone with a mid-year compensation adjustment effective April 1st. They said they knew the compensation plan was ‘broken’ and made some quick adjustments. They didn’t make it retroactive through 1/1 but hey, I don’t have to quit my job. And what I expect to earn now will be enough to pay my bills and my ex. 24 months left and I’m done with her as well, and from there I will actually have a bright future!

Funny enough the day I got this news I was also offered a really good job by another person within my company. One that I would’ve taken had it been offered at any point during the previous 12 months. Timing is a very funny thing, how a few random twists can change your life one way or another.

Pool: I haven’t been playing much but have had fun here and there. But this month something happened that made me realize I need to dive back in more seriously. Two different people called me up completely out of the blue and offered me funding to go play some major events. One was a friend of mine that misses seeing me compete (I haven’t played a major even since before BD). The other was an acquaintance from 10 years ago that lives across the country. He met me once and has apparently been a fan since then. I wrote a post on a pool forum that he read and apparently it spoke to him and he just wanted to make a contribution to help me on my way (of course he’d get a payout if I do well enough, but the odds are long enough I call it a contribution).

It was really cool, not just financially although most pool players are beggers and here I have people calling me up at random, but also because it’s powerful to know that I have a lot of people rooting me on. I decided to play the US Open 9 Ball Championship this year. My goal is to play a couple more events next year, and then in 2019 when I’m done paying XW, I have my table set up at home again, and I’ve knocked the rust off my pool game, I will be turning 40 and maybe I can make one last big rally to try to do some cool things before it’s too late.

Kids:
S12. He’s a good kid, and we’re doing well together. He’s been very good about hanging with the rest of the family when appropriate, although I give him his own time too. I’m working with him on accountability. He’s at an age where he needs to start taking responsibility for his life but doesn’t know how just yet. There have been a couple of cases in which he doesn’t like the consequences of his behavior but doesn’t realize he’s not a victim. I’ve talked this through with him, let him know he’s at the age where he can be a kid that has no control over his life, or a young adult that gets a voice, but that to have a voice he has to use it. I told him he wasn’t on his own trying to figure it out, I’m in his corner and will literally guide him through how he can contribute to the conversation about how his life plays out. For example, he doesn’t like playing violin and doesn’t like that he has to practice as soon as he comes home. But his mother and I agree he needs to do something extracurricular. So I told him he has a choice. He can ask his school counselor and his peers about alternatives such as a book club, chess club, sport, etc, and propose an alternative. If not he’ll default back to violin for the next year. And he can propose another approach to how and when he practices, but with the understanding that if he can’t manage it on his own to ensure it gets done that it will be back to first thing after school. I made it clear that he does get a voice, but choosing not to use it he is responsible for the outcome in his life. There are other examples as well such as how he damaged his phone and is now without a cell phone. I’ve given him guidance on how he could take responsibility for the damage, apologize, change some behavior, and put some skin in the game which would go a long way towards me reinstating his phone. He hasn’t acted on this so no cell phone. This is fine. It’s an important lesson for him to learn, and I’d rather have him learn this way at 12 then later in life. But I feel we’re getting along fine and he’s starting to learn how the world will work as he grows up. Oh, and if I forgot to mention I have also hooked him up with a top guy from Microsoft who is mentoring him a bit on the computer development. Pretty cool. So I’m really supportive of that as well.

D10 and D6. We’re having a ton of fun together. They are both so enthusiastic and joyous, almost at all times. D10 was really excited the other day but didn’t even know why. She said “I’m SO excited about…nothing!” She was trying to explain why she was so happy but didn’t really have a good reason, she just was. It was SO like her. Well, we’re hanging out, playing games. We got the 1984 Parker Brother’s Dune board game after fininish the book, it’s a collector item that cost $100 but I busted it out of the plastic because I thought it would be worth it. I loved it as a kid, sure enough we’ve played 8 games over 15 hours and have loved every minute. Of course it’s absolutely grizzly, the object is to kill off everyone else’s characters, so you spend time building up your team and then BOOM! They get assassinated or destroyed by sandworms or sandstorms or poisoned or whatever and they all die. At first this was upsetting to my kids, but I told them “Guys, in this game just realize that everybody will die”. Now when we play and I steal the shield from my daughter’s favorite character and then take advantage of that weakness by killing her off with a laser right afterwards she just shrugs and says “well, everyone dies…” Oh, and we’re doing a lot of chess puzzles, playing team games where we all suggest moves, and other practice there as well. We have so much fun with it. And THEY keep wanting to play pool, we play as a three person team taking turns to see how many turns it takes to shoot all 15 balls in (our record is 8 turns so far). I don’t know what to say, they’ve gotten through the hard work of learning how to hold the stick and cue and are starting to have FUN. We watch the Voice, listen to music, go for walks (it’s warming up in Minnesota). So all is good. One last note, the other night we watched “Overboard” and D10 mentioned getting divorced a few times rather flippantly. Like “She should just divorce him!” Well, it didn’t sit well with me. So afterwards I took her for a walk and shared with her some of my beliefs about marriage. I made it clear these were only my beliefs, that when she grew older she would have to decide what she believed, but by God I got to share with her my views because she was my daughter. I left her mom’s decisions completely out of it but made it very clear how I view things (appropriate for a 10 year old of course). You guys know me enough to know some of the main bullets I probably hit.

Joke of the week. A coworker told me his girlfriend complains about how he doesn’t share his emotions, and told him the other day she didn’t think he had any. I told him he should’ve looked her dead in the eye and said “When you said you don’t think I have emotions it made me feel, 1-0-1-1…” (Maybe he shouldn’t ask me for relationship advice )

Overall: Well, overall things are the best they’ve ever been. I’m pretty blessed and more at peace than I thought was possible. I posted some stuff on Juju’s thread about my walls being high, but that’s for good reason. I am a very sensitive person and some things simply impact me more than others. And when I see how other people behave I think it’s reasonable to not put myself in harm’s way. But I have never felt more sure that I’m on the right path for me. I am doing awesome as a dad, as an employee, as a friend to my best friend. I have zero regrets about how I’m spending my time or the example and messages I am sending to my children. I am fortunate for things to smooth out in my job because I can provide for my family and still have time to see them at night. I look forward to playing more pool in the future as with every other weekend without the kids I certainly have opportunity to play. I can’t wait to have a table at home again soon where I can crank my music and do drills into the evening. I guess things are just about too good to be true. There’s more I hope for in the future but only because I believe in striving and honoring the gifts I’ve received, not because I don’t have more than enough to fill my cup. This is all new to me and I like how life has become.

I wish all of you the same. Thanks for reading!