Status Unknown

[LW2381]

Tryin-

I'm with you, completely. Our family unit is remarkable together, but S is starting to pick up on the dissension b/w me and W. We absolutely leave the room if it starts to get heated (not his fault nor problem), but none the less he knows. Kids are astute at picking up on this stuff.

The wedding ring has been up and down for me...believe it or not, that has been one of the hardest parts for me. She doesn't wear her engagement/wedding ring (made into one years ago), but she wears another ring on that finger...a cheap one she bought. Don't know how to take that, bc she says it matches her gold jewelry and "the one" is white gold/platinum (this sounds like pure BS to me), but she wears a ring on that finger still. I wear mine sometimes (depends on my mood), but this has been part of detaching from the most awful roller coaster ever. Regardless of what she is feeling, I decide in the morning if I am there are not. Probably childish, but this helps me deal. If she has noticed (she probably has), she hasn't said anything. Part of me wishes she would say something, anything.

Makes me think of something else, a failure perhaps. Sunday night, the day had been up and down, but we were in a good place. She got home from shopping with her sister, and I mentioned "I'm going to run some errands." It was 8:30 on a Sunday night, so there wasn't much I could've been doing, but I just really wanted a reaction. I got one, "really, are you leaving, where are you going", I said, "just out for a while". My S said, "daddy where are you going"? She said it loud enough for him to hear, so he asked with a sad face. Well played on her part (she can be a master manipulator), so I said "nowhere, daddy will play with you and put you to bed." Screw her, it was about us at that point. But she did get me to stay. Just though about that, I feel like I've been had.

Dating will not be an issue on my part (as far as finding someone). I hate to sound wrapped up in me, but that is truly not my fear, I can find someone else, I (like everyone else on this board who is willing to fight for what we want/believe in, is a catch.) But more than anything, I want HER. I have no fear of not finding someone else, I have come to grips with the idea that I am a good guy and will be fine. However, I can't lie, especially to people who are in the same spot as me, this is the girl I want, bar-none.

That said, no regrets Tryin, keep up the fight. I guess just not at the expense of our own happiness or sanity.