Status Unknown

[sandi2]

It almost sounds like entrapment. Whenever I see a WW creating a case against her H...I suspect she is either in some type of contact with the OM, or else she has no intentions of staying in the MR and is magnifying everything that comes to mind.
Public opinion seems important to her, and that could be the base of her building a stronger case against you. Mainly, I think she is doing what most WW's do..........which is twist things to make the H responsible for being a bigger cad than her.

Has she always been this hypersensitive?

I think you are doing well, but I want to add a few words about the scripted mode. Unless a poster says you need to repeat certain words to your W, then stay away from quoting statements you've read on the board. First of all, the information you are reading here is for you.......and not her. The board gives you the tools for DBing.
Most of what you repeated to her, were things said here to help get you to a better mental/emotional place.......and to think more clearly.

Secondly, she knows you so well that when you start using new terms or phrases with her.........she knows this is not coming from you, but rather someone else. I have talked to enough couples to know it is not as effective when the other spouse suspects you've picked it up in a book, a class, or whatever. They tend to take an attitude of "rolled eyes".

You posted how you would validate your W when she complained about you. I'm curious as to how you validated. What did you say?

Any advice on how to handle these outbursts? I am almost to the point where I am starting to believe that she is in another world and I am the villain, yet I'm the one fighting to keep this M together?!?! Do I continue to take it and validate, or do I defend myself (I am not completely innocent in this, I know I can handle my reactions better) but, when is enough enough?

This is an example of the need to get both of you into therapy. What's the holdup?

I think she is feeling tons of resentment, and like most WW's.........she will twist things and try to place full responsibility on her H. Currently, you are caught in a "damn if you do and damn if you do not" spot. If you are guilty of what she says, then own it, apologize, and make an effort to not repeat that action in the future. If she is knit picking, then you can either tell her you were not trying to offend her......or you can ask her if she has a solution to recommend. If she does, then hear it and you can decide if it's acceptable or not. The point is not to just sit there and take her bashing (or as you called it taking on the chin). Don't put up a defense, just tell her you are sorry she sees it that way........and if necessary, you can walk into another room to put some temporary distance between you.

She doesn't have both feet in the MR yet. I suggest you pay attention to what she was doing right before her mood shifts and she starts accusing you of something. For instance, when you and S went out to throw a ball........she was left alone with her phone. There are sooooo many triggers. Also, if she has a friend or relative who makes negative suggestions about the M or you...........then it fuels another angry round of accusations.