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[Tryin2figuritout]

Any advice on how to handle these outbursts? I am almost to the point where I am starting to believe that she is in another world and I am the villain, yet I'm the one fighting to keep this M together?!?! Do I continue to take it and validate, or do I defend myself (I am not completely innocent in this, I know I can handle my reactions better) but, when is enough enough?

LW,

I feel for you brother. Had similar roller coaster Sunday night after dinner with her family when talking about everything not being normal, happy and I validated and agree with all this.

I'm not sure I have much great advice because it is all painful and you don't want doormat status. What keeps me going forward are these things:

a) Regrets - No matter how hard it gets I must consider leaving it all on the table and having no regrets. By leaving it all, I don't mean begging, pleading, trying to negotiate with a WAW, but knowing I've made the best Trying in the middle of all this horse manure (beat you censor!!!). If you stopped now and gave up, will you regret this in 6 months, 1 year, 5 years, 10 years, etc.

b) Family - Our family unit is spectacular and it's simply my R with my W that suffers greatly. Understanding my depression, it's impact to my self-esteem at home and how that has crippled our M has never been clearer. When I look at the big picture of life, I don't see how one would change this family dynamic so drastically through D, but I am coming to grips with me not having all the chips in that decision.

For the chance that this might all work out (thinking of Jim Carey in Dumb & Dumber), it's all worth it and the path is the same either way. The only thing that will attract my W to me is a better Trying because the old Trying really wasn't trying.

I'm not going to improve myself for the W because all bets are off, so this is all for me and my kids. So I do it for Family whether that is the 4 of us or the 3 of us.

Now that I've made all those statements of strength, I'm going to crawl under my desk and try not to think about who's getting the dog in this. ;-) If I'm not laughing, I'm crying and I'd rather laugh.

Best,
Trying