WW, wlc, Waw or What?

[Btrow]

When i first posted here, i don’t know why, probably just looking for advice. But after constant lurking for months, I have come to the conclusion that it is a good way to “get it out of the system” so I’ll start to post more regularly.

One thing that bothers (or annoys me, or worries me) is that XW is nothing like most other WW’s described here. Never blaming me for anything, always being nice etc.

For instance, if I send her a text or an e-mail (we don’t write all that much as I’m going completely dark, only minimum need-to-know stuff regarding the kids) and I know she won’t like the contents of what I’m writing, she always comes back next time (maybe days later regarding some other kid related stuff) with a “hi Btrow (obviously not my real name)” bla bla bla smiley”.
We have had some heated text/mail arguments about the kids and how to deal with them etc., but she always attempts the “nice” approach each time. Therefore, as I said, she does not strike me as a “normal” WW.

For reasons unknown, I seem to have handled everything almost 100 % perfect since BD (no pleading, no begging, no contact, no R talk) but I definitely stink at DB’ing. Although I try to GAL as much as possible, the days just seem to disappear with nothing to show for them. In addition, even if I am 4½ months in, emotions still surface occasionally. Started weeping both yesterday and the day before. Both initiated from DB’ing, two days ago from one of Micheles funny little stories in DR and yesterday from making the mistake of going through the piecing forum. That place can be BRUTAL for you, if you are a mess 

Anyway, have not seen much of XW the past 5-7 weeks due to my black belt in going dark, but last week I had to see her. D10 has started hearing voices. They shout YES or NO in her head, and she sees things moving in slow motion. Therefore, we had to go to some sort of family crisis center (sounds extreme in English, but do not know how else to translate) to figure out how to proceed with D10s issues (the first meeting would be without kids). The councilor was amazing. I’m sure one of XW’s ulterior motives for going, was to get some “expert” telling her XH that we had to show the kids how great friends we are, hug when we exchange them, drink coffee together with the kids and so on. However, as mentioned, he was great. She got no sort of “help” from him; on the contrary, his approach was exactly like mine. M 1 XW 0 ;-)

Whenever problems that has arisen from D was mentioned, he would say something to XW like “yeah, but that’s your choice or that’s on you”. Wonderful.

He asked many questions to our situation, who initiated the divorce and so on. However, never “why”. At some point, he said, “I can see that Btrow is angry with you, are you angry with him” (as I said, I stink at DB’ing, wishing I could fake a “don’t care” attitude).

I noticed that XW is uncomfortable around me. She does not seem too confident when I am around, which makes me wonder. (I am not and have never been abusive in any way, neither physical nor verbal – not even shouted at her once through this entire hell I am going through). Why is she as nervous around me as I am around her?

At some point in the talk about D10 (she wets her bed at night, has done for years, was almost out of it, now every night again) he said that maybe D10 could feel over the last year or so that mum and dad had argued more. Here I was cool, calm, collected and said, “no, can’t be it, the last year has been good, no more arguing than normal”, and XW did not comment. I could swear that he had no clue as to why we divorced…. A little later XW suddenly said, “it was good some of the time” (with English not being my first language maybe something gets lost in translation)”. Again, that is a strange thing to say, is it not? Shouldn’t she say “it was mostly crab” or “I fell out of love” instead of pointing to the good times…. I do not get it...

At some point when discussing either the anger from me or the fact that it is obvious that I don’t want to be her friend, he said directly to her “so you are not moving back tomorrow” – he knew by then that she was seeing someone else, so whether he thought I was to blame for D or he was trying to be funny, or he read something from us/her, I never figured out (in hindsight not really that funny from the LBS perspective….). Anyway, her answer was a weak, “no…….we do not”

You see many people here who has been through this telling you not to think too much of what’s going through WAS mind. Believe them… It will drive you crazy. Friday morning I received a text from her (once again with a nice approach) that D3 would like to come visit daddy for a couple of hours today as she misses him (first time since BD that has happened – not the missing – the text regarding it). My mindset that morning?

Now what would XW gain from that, she needs a sitter? No, then she would say all three kids missed daddy. But then again D8 and D10 could probably be alone for a couple of hours so maybe she did need a sitter? No, kindergarten (daycare or whatever it is called) is still open, so it cannot be it. Maybe she is trying to make me look incorporative or as a bad parent if we ever went to court for another custody agreement. No, she know I would not say no to my kids. Besides that, I am much more flexible than she is as she hardly ever can have the kids visit her due to her working hours in the kiddy free weeks. THEN WHAT ARE HER MOTIVES….. Driving me crazy…. That must be the motive.

Also next morning, she accidently replied a text to me, which was not from me. Now why would she do that, that must be impossible to read a text, and then press reply in another thread? Looking for a reply, making me notice she is alive? Instead of looking at it as a simple error, everything is twisted and turned. It will drive you crazy…

Enough for now, will try to post a couple of times per week, or whenever something interesting happens. Anyone feel free to comment, all feedback is warmly welcomed.