I'm going through something similar, though I don't have a quarter century invested in mine I feel for you, man.
My SAHM wife was the same way. Everything I did enabled her, though of course she didn't see it that way. After the bomb drop, I was doing literally EVERYTHING other than picking up our daughter from school. I felt like I was completely enabling her, with everything I did, and, of course, she had as much "space" as she needed to pursue the things she wanted from outside of the marriage.
She's out of the house now, and I'm still supporting her (around $800 a month between her and what I give her to take care of our daughter on the weekend). She still hasn't even seriously pursued a job.
I really don't think there is a good answer here short of some formal agreement. Good luck getting that, as she has no reason to change what she's doing.
I feel for you, man.