Mleigh, I find it really difficult to concentrate at the moment. Even posting on here takes a lot out of me. I actually bought some books for my Kindle (H still has his debit card set up in there and it takes every bone in my body not to go on a book spending spree!) but I just can't bring myself to get into anything.
I wish H would see what a loving wife I am for standing for my marriage but he's away with the fairies so it makes no difference at all...
Bttrfly, I agree that FB is a facade and we dont know what goes on behind the scenes. I'm so glad that I don't post on there loads and even grader that H is not in there!
Journaling: feeling okay today a bit better. I think I'm slowly coming to the realisation that NC is definitely the way to go. I wouldn't have anything good to say to H at the moment anyway and I can't imagine being able to act 'as if' if I saw him now. I'm worried that the resentment is growing and I don't know if this is just part of the process. Should I be feeling this way? The longer time goes on the less compassion I have for him. I have as much compassion for him now as I would a total stranger.
It is all so confusing and scary and I don't know what to think. I so desperately wanted to save my marriage and part of me still does but the other part of me isn't sure if it is worth it anymore or if indeed he is worth it. What sort of man abandons his family and would rather live alone as he did 10 years ago as a single man. I remember he once told me before we got together that he felt so lonely as all his friends had families. I sometimes wonder if he just wanted to have what everyone else had and has decided now that it's not for him. I feel angry that he has played with our lives and now realises it's not for him.
NC is definitely right for me at the moment because if I saw him I just might not be able to hold anything back...
Me - 47 H - 45 D-16 M - 6 years Separated - May 16
Don't leave me behind can't you see me I'm shining... (Years & Years - 'Shine')
