Help - Setting Boundaries, WW in EA - Thread #4

[Woke_Up]

I missed the episode of the pregnancy tester. May I just remind all H's who have a W that's been in an A (and/or still in an A), you are taking a risk by having sex with her. There have been cases right here on the board, where the W would suspect the possibility of pregnancy by OM, and she would have sex with her H........as coverage, should she need it.

I think you are gambling with your own health risk, having sex with your W........especially when you know OM is still in the picture (and why would you?).

However, in this case, it is still a long distance EA. She has not met OM in person, as he lives in Florida and she is in the UK. She has not been out of the country. He could have been, but nothing I have seen in their messages to date would suggest that he has visited the UK.

She has created this fantasy world, and is now addicted to it. In it, I have to be not with her. I am a demented ex. She is single. Therefore she is free to love this OM via her EA.

However, her describing me as a dickhead to the OM on the same day she had sex with me (Saturday 25th) was a bit much, so I went on a rant to OM again, sent him the pic of the preg tester. AND she still managed to lie her way out of it, said I had planted it and taken the photo and was faking the iphone messages from her.

That was the day before Mother's day in the UK. I still managed to make sure the kids gave her a good day on the Sunday. She did have a minor spew at me in the morning, but I just shrugged it off and got on with making sure that the Mother's Day stuff happened. She enjoyed it, and it was a nice day with the kids.

So, had another DB session. Taking stock, as I'd gone backwards again. Not snooping at all now. I'm only 8 days clean, but hell, I'm 8 days totally clean with plenty of opportunity to have snooped if I wished. Need to do a rewrite of the apology letter, to review with the coach, and start journaling a bit more. List all positive interactions. Start a chart of arguments, old way, new way, outcome. That's going to my difficult one. Having the patience and wherewithal to stay calm, not react and do things differently.

I'm dubious about the positive interactions, as they've always been there to some extent. I think if I hadn't discovered the EA, W would quite happily live this double life indefinitely.

Reading my way through Gottmann. Struggling with GAL still. Funnily enough, that's the 1 area W attacks. Says I'll have to give up training, as she has to do everything. My 1 evening a week. Nah, she can bugger off.